Is ts dissosciation?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Butterfly, Jul 9, 2011.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I dont remember too much but I just remember sort of finding myself looking out of the bedroom window swaying. When I was conscious of the fact I was staying I stopped. It was kinda like I was lost in thought almost but I dont remember what I was thinking about. I often walk to places like from town to home and not recall anything about walking home it just seems like one moment I was in town the next I am sitting on the sofa at home. Ive also started seeing shadows out of the corner of me eye. Like I will see a shadow of a person and when I look its not there. About a week ago me and my fiance had gone to bed. He was fast asleep and I couldnt get to sleep I looked at him and it looked like he had his eyes wide open but just the whites of his eyes showing then when I looked again he was just fast asleep. It really freaks me out how my mind is playing tricks on me like this.
  2. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't fathom to summerise that for you butterfly. But it sounds very distressing.

    I can relate, and yes I think some of that is dissosciation, but then again it could be something else too so. The walking from place to place and not really remembering about it is something i do, even things in itself. I can recall the events from one to the next if I look hard enough, but on the surface it feels like one moment. But I can guarentee you, those memories are there :)
    For me on that note, in the moment when im walking, it's the compounded issues that lump together that overwhelm me, and the emphasised fears of me feeling like an outsider and other crap block out my ability to connect with the moment properly. So instead of have a nice day full of events, im flushed with crap, and retreat inside as im walking, and to compensate for this shit I also block it out overall to a singluar event, like walking from pont a to b.
    That's kinda how it works for me. I just know what goes into it for me, which is why I can write bollocks about it.

    Do you have anyone you can trust to talk to? It helps to let out stuff like this, so you can gain some perspective on it. Perhaps not to break it down and analyse it so much but so you get it out of your head, or try to push it away just a bit, so the next time you're doing something like walking, you might remember that you can breath and just enjoy the moment, and try to be yourself.
    I know it's not that simple, but for me, what i've learned is, to connect and remember with moments, it helps to be as free from other pressures as you can so they dont influence or occupy your mind and heart so much that you cant see the good parts infront of you. There's a whole string of crap that goes with that, like want and feeling good about yourself and what youre doing.

    If anything, you really sound drained. I don't want to assume but do you have alot of pressure around you? Can you see the better side of things around that pressure in moments so you can enjoy yourself and just be you?
    It helps to find a loving and caring center, it lets you breathe, atleast in my opinon.

    idk, talk to someone about it that you trust, really get as much of it as you can out of u but try not to sink too far into it. The point is to just get it out, and find u where that pressure is just away from who u are. Then find the strength to realize that you are in control, and always are(cause you are :smile:), and that you can choose what you want in your life.

    ^^ a load of rammel but, just remember your feelings and thoughts matter. Be kind to yourself, and try let the better parts of your life and dreams into your heart(I know this sounds daft, but..). It really sounds like you've got so much on and striving through it. Be proud of that :) And be kind to yourself too. Dissocaition is a bitch, it works for awhile but it doesn't do you any justice. I would really suggest doing more things if you can that make you feel better and happier as who you are.
    As far as shdaows and stuff like that. I personally think our thoughts and feelings manifest, and they can begin to tricks on you. I wouldn't worry so much about it, as long as you realize that it's not real. Dealing with it in the moment can be difficult, but the source of it I think lays in issues that are bogging you down on a larger scale. Idk, props to you for talking about them :) you don't have to make sense of why it's happening, just be able to stand up to it and declare it in the beginning as not real. Maybe next time if once you realzie its not real, wake your partner up. Ask him for a hug so you can so you know that's real, and everything else is just bollocks. Idk.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 9, 2011
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I never really remember the journey or what I have been doing even if I sort of try and remember. I know with me it's usually packed with intense thoughts. The only thing I remember as of late is walking to the bus station and I fought off an intense urge to throw myself infront of a car. Then I sort of woke up if you like and carried on with my journey. I don't mean to dissosciate, but it just happens.

    I am under a lot of pressure at the moment and I do feel really drained. I am pissed off with the whole mental health system aswell. I have been seeking help since January, been on meds, had med increases and changes. I tried fighting off suicidal urges and went to A&E to be sensible who referred me to a therapy service. That was in April. Then suddenly I get an appointment for a CPN to see me at my house at the end of June and find out I can't have therapy because I am too complex and there is too much of a history of self harm. I feel like I have really tried to reach out and have been knocked back. The good thing is I now have a CPN come and see me but I don't know. I feel like something is brewing.

    I am trying something called mindfulness that my CPN is trying to get me to do which will sort of help me to acknowledge my thoughts and put them to one side and he thinks it will help a lot with my anxiety issues etc.

    Thanks for your reply Blake. I wanted to go in depth a lot more but my concentration is poor today and can't get out what I want to say. I hope some of this ramble makes some sense.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Lexi, Have you had any med changes or something added?? I was doing the same thing but my exfiance took my new meds away from me.. After I came off them I was fine..That could be one answer or maybe you have a borderline skyzo problem going on... I was seeing things and hearing voices.. Sometimes I would even smell cologne...My pdoc put me on some skyzo meds and it helped.. I still see shadows now and then but the voices are gone.. I don't tell her about the shadows because this med I am on works better than anything else I have tried.. I wish you the best!!!
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I changed to fluoxetine over a month ago but if I am honest I havent been taking it properly as I had got in a state of being fed up of everything. Bad I know. I havent really had this before except I thought I would see flashes of light in my room when it was dark but I thought they were orbs so didnt think anything of it. I dont hear voices or anything but I sometimes think I hear cars pulling up outside and there isnt any. This is quite a recent thing. Do you think its worth mentioning if I saw my Gp this week and I see my CPN again a week on wednesday.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Yes I think you should tell them.. They may change your meds..I take prolixin for the skyzo part.. It helps alot.. I'm not fully skyzo just borderline..
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