Isn't it funny?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by riz, Dec 26, 2007.

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  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    It's funny to me how one song can throw you into a tail spin. This one effected me because it's saying EXACTLY how I've been feeling all of this month.

    Two Years This Month

    It’s been two years this month
    Since the last time we spoke
    And it’s starting to seem
    That the only thing everlasting
    Is this vow of silence

    Well, I guess that’s the vow that we took
    But not at first
    At first I was screaming
    Those songs you heard two years ago
    On that night we last spoke.

    Two years ago, right before Christmas, I told my friend Rob that I had a cutting problem. That was the night that he became overwhelmed and left my side. We haven't truly talked since. He was holding me up back then...and it wasn't healthy and I can see that now. But it still hurts. Part of me still needs him.

    The only thing everlasting is the vow of silence.

    Throughout our falling out, there was one cd that was getting me through it. Unfortunately, it wasn't good but it was loud and drowned out the sound of my screaming. Hawthorne Heights. There was one song specifically that made me feel a bit better. It was the song called "Silver Bullet." "I've got a single silver bullet, shot right through the heart, to prove I can survive without you." He made a comment about my music once. He said, "It seems like your music has gotten angrier. Is anything wrong?" He played the clueless card. But it's ok. I forgive him now.

    At first I was screaming those songs you heard two years ago. On that night we last spoke.

    This song caught me off guard. But I'm doing ok. I stopped myself from cutting. Just to spite him, I held off. I can do this. And even if I can't, you're going to watch me try.
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry to hear Rob turned away when you told him about your self harm. Unfortunately there's always a risk when telling people about SH because even though more people are understanding these days and it isn't as "taboo" as it has been, there's still some people who get freaked by it and just fail to understand, no matter how hard they try.

    Maybe if you get in contact with him and meet up for a coffee or somewhere else for a chat, a real chat, you can both try to sort things out and get your friendship back to how it used to be. You are not crazy or stupid or pathetic or ANYTHING of the sort because you used to self harm, the cutting does not make you a different person. Maybe if you were to tell him the self harm is in the past now and you don't SH anymore he will take it better.

    Anyway, good luck with everything, and well done for your determination to quit SH, you're doing well, and I hope you continue. :hug:
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