Isnt it funny when you go your whole life wishing that things were different...That someone was interested in you romantically, that you felt better about yourself as a person? That you could just get away and see the world? That you could feel financially secure? That you could finally stand up for yourself? (Throw in whatever else applies in your case). And then you finally get it, get it all, every impossible hope or goal you ever wanted or could ever hope for and then...in the silence of your mind, realize that with every fiber of your being that you still want to die? I dont think there is a feeling more distressing than knowing you have all you want, and yet it still isnt enough to keep you from wanting to leave it all behind for good.