Isolated, afraid and confused.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Tea1030, Jul 2, 2013.

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  1. Tea1030

    Tea1030 New Member

    I'm currently 27 years old. I've never been to college or had a relationship. My circle of friends is very small and we don't even live in the same state which pretty much means I'm at home all day doing nothing. I suffer from depression (currently taking wellbutrin) and I'm prone to serious bouts of sadness when faced with the uncertainty of my future. All day and night I have thoughts about consciousness and internal debates regarding the afterlife because I want to believe that there's something—anything better than what I'm going through. I feel like I've wasted so much time that I'll never get back, but I don't know how to change it.

    My sister who currently lives out in L.A. and works in film offered me a job as a production assistant. I would basically be living with her while working 12+ hour days for very little pay with a good chance of working with some unpleasant individuals. Thing is, despite my anxiety, I want to be able to work, be social and have my own place. However, I also don't want work to consume the majority of whatever life I have and I'm afraid I won't be able to find a happy medium. I do know that I'm an extremely emotional person and I find some semblance of happiness when I help others. I just don't know where to go from there because I have very little networking and marketable skills.

    What I do know is that I just want to be happy and I'm starved for human contact but I don't know what to do or how to make it happen...
  2. FirstAidKit

    FirstAidKit Member

    I feel with you Tea1030, for I am in a similar situation. Do you have someone to talk to? A psychologist can be of great comfort. The internet is always there for you but to talk to a person in front of you is a huge different, imho.

    As for the job and your sister... Do you get a along well? Do you feel you can stand being around her for 12+ hours a day? And having to work with "unpleasant individuals" is not very good when one is in a emotional state I think... :/ It certainly wouldn't make you happier.

    Could you take the job and try it out? Then change your mind if it doesn't work out? Or is it a contract that will make you bound for a period of time?
  3. Tea1030

    Tea1030 New Member

    My sister is really the only one I can confide in. While I love my friends, we aren't exactly as close as we should be.

    I get along with my sister just fine, but I wouldn't exactly be working with her. She's much higher up on the ladder (she's a personal assistant for a big-name director) so I'd have very little to no contact with her throughout the day. I wouldn't be bound by any contract to work since I'd just be a runner. However, if I were to find out that I really don't like it, I would be making my sister look bad since she would have to pull some strings to get me the job.

    I agree though that at this state, it may not be a good idea to thrust myself into that situation. I'd basically go from hardly talking to anyone at all, to dealing with tons of people at once for hours on end and a ton of responsibilities. I'd love to be able to find some work that would allow me to help and work with much smaller groups of people (I've never done well with crowds), but again I don't know if I have the skills or what to look for.
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry that you feel isolated and afraid about the future. My thoughts on the topic are:

    You have no friends where you currently live, and want to work. You are concerned about the future and your current situation is depressing and making you consider options as drastic as suicide. There is nothing to recommend the situation you are currently in - so accept the offer you have been made for support and an opportunity to change your situation. You have been offered somewhere to live - a job - a new start. You Say you crave human contact... you cannot have that unless you go out there and spend time with people.

    I am not denying that it might be difficult - and it is not at all unusual when starting out in employment to work very long days and for work/life balance to be skewed to the work side - unfortunately that is just one of those things. You work hard to get skills and experience and position so that you can have a better work life balance later. You need to think about it as an investment. In terms of 'unpleasant people' - that is the case in any sort of employment. Certainly I would be delighted to not need to deal with half the people in my work environment.

    I disagree with FirstAidKit - I think it would make you happier. Purpose and feeling like you are moving forward - knowing that you are doing something constructive - empowering yourself. Those things are excellent combatants against depression and feeling bad about yourself. Surrounding yourself with people is an excellent cure for craving human contact and great for learning social skills and dealing with anxiety. (I was terrified to talk to people before I started working at my current job 18 months ago - now I am difficult to shut up lol).

    You have what sounds like a really good opportunity. I think you should grab it with both hands :)
  5. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I'm 28 yrs old. I've been there. You have to break out of your shell. Or would you rather continue to feel this way even when you are in your thirties? You are lucky to have someone from the family who is able to get you a job as a production assistant. Take it. Let this be the change you've always wanted. Unfortunately, work will consume the majority of life, you just need to learn to deal with it as does everyone else. If you just want to be happy and want human contact, you just need to be able to tell yourself that that is what you want. Take a hold of your future! Good luck to you. It's a difficult journey, but if you take control of your own life, you'll get better at it.

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