Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sydx, May 22, 2010.

  1. Sydx

    Sydx Active Member

    So what if I'm 'acting distant, apathetic and otherwise socially unacceptable'? So what if I've come to the point of saying 'fuck it all' and have given up on my veil of a complacent charade? It doesn't matter much to keep up a front to please (family/friends/etc) if I will still be submissive and alone, if only in my own mind.

    The people who are apparently closest to me have been complaining - a lot more than usual - that I've been (insert quote from first sentence of thread) and of course since they are so 'close' to me they claim to just want to help and that they want to better understand me. But they don't understand me, and they won't - they don't seem to realize that. Hell, I don't even quite understand me.

    I digress; whether it be to get them off my back or some desperate attempt to get someone to actually hear what I'm saying, I try to explain to them what I'm going through, the way I think, but each conversation winds up with me being either cornered with accusation and insults or just dismissed entirely - funny how it's like "Hey, y'know, we really want to help you," but the moment I try to let them, they verbally attack me or don't take me seriously.

    Maybe that's the thing though. Maybe I just kept up my 'complacent charade' for too long and they can't get past that to believe me when I say "I'm really, not okay." Or perhaps it's that they're too caught up in believing I'm so together that they don't want to accept the reality that their friend/girlfriend/daughter/sister/etc is struggling with manic depression, eating disorders, self-harm and a death wish.

    Ugh, I mean it's enough that they don't understand, but the fact I know they won't ever understand, no matter how things play out makes me feel completely and unbarebly isolated. And these feelings of isolation aren't getting me to any better a place, either.

    I really don't even know if this is the right board for this thread, but I really don't care. I really don't care about a lot of things anymore.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I hate it when people ask me "whats going on with you", then I tell them, and they give me that look like "oh... I thought you just got caught looking at porn or something".

    Well here you are not isolated, even if it is just a forum.:hugtackles: