I graduated from College with a high GPA and can't get a job in that field. I started my own website (high quality content and original) no traffic because the Niche is too competitive. I make friends with people and they quickly fade off and give up on me. My husband loves me to death but doesn't listen to me when I talk. I had to put my career on hold to be a stay at home mom but the isolation is causing me to drink a lot at night time once kids are in bed. We bought a home 45 minutes a way from everyone and nobody wants to drive that "far" to see me. I go run errands and try to spark conversations with other customers, employees and fall flat. Like I have an aura that tells people I'm worthless to bother with. I find that I go out of MY WAY to be extra nice to waiters, cashiers and people in industries that are suppose to be showing customer's hospitality (I don't expect rose pedals but if I smile and say good morning to a cashier and I get completely ignored…you know?) feel like I'm bothering them with my existence. People just don't like me right off the bat. I don't get it. I'm pretty (not being conceited but trying to convey my characteristics and details) but not intimidatingly pretty, I'm a mom of three LOL if that explains my level of hotness. I smile a lot but not in that "she's too annoyingly bubbly," sortove way. More like I spent 4 years as a teenager wearing ugly braces and want to show off the fruits of my labor type of level of smiling. I've been told that I'm witty and can carry an entertaining conversation I try to stay up to date with fashion but I barely notice new trending styles. I just try to look 2012 but don't care if 2016 styles are hotter. As long as I'm in the decade of fashion what's hot for summer 2016 means nothing to me. I always hold the door open for people but barely get a thank you and I don't do it to get a thank you but common courtesy is out the door these days or it's another case of, "People just don't like me right off the bat." I can't do anything right. These past two years have been my worst. I contemplate harming myself often but images of my kids growing up without their mommy brings me to tears. Not taking my babies to their first day of first grade comes to my mind and I try to change my bad thoughts of harming myself. They eventually trickle back into my head again. I go into the bathroom to cry a lot of the times. Nobody wants to visit me, my husband doesn't listen to me and we just adopted a puppy (to cure my isolation and loneliness) that wants nothing to do with me and prefers my husband. Yay me! Dogs don't even like me. I'm feeling the lowest in my life. Want more salt in the wound? I can't even get online people to like me. I've been a part of three separate forums for a good 4 years for each of them and I can't get people to respond to my comments to get a response from my thread post. I see people on their that instantly get responses and people really like these individuals "most popular poster" if this were a School yearbook and I'd be that person that only has the picture from class picture day but wasn't cool enough to have candid shots taken throughout the school year and placed on the yearbook throughout the pages. Just the default picture day picture where I blinked because the flash always does that to me. So when you can't get people who are being paid to be nice to you to fake it, or an online forum to talk to you, and a new puppy to humor you with a doggy waddle. No career to look forward to. Each day is the same ole wash dishes, do laundry, take care of three kids that want all of your time and a husband that expects more of your time when he gets home from a "real job" because what I do isn't considered "real job," meaning thankless and unimportant to the real world. What is there to be happy about? I never leave my house anymore besides grocery store and pediatrician appointments for the kids. I forgot what my car feels like to go for a long drive blasting my favorite music…who's popular in music today, anyway? Is it still N'sync? LOL. An exaggeration on my part but you get the idea. I haven't had a day to myself in a few years and I don't deserve one since I don't have a "real job" and nothing to complain about. I suffer from bad panic attacks and a couple of them happened while I was driving and I had to pull over and now I get nervous when in the car that it will happen again…Maybe that has something to do with my lack of driving? I really couldn't tell you. Wow, I'm rambling on here. Or venting? Maybe this is why nobody likes me because I don't know when to shut up, but how can that be when I barely talk anymore. What's the point nobody listens or they try to one up me when I do try to share my feelings. I.e., "I'm feeling lonely and don't know what to do" response I get from the listener is "You think you're lonely? Try …blah blah blah" totally undermining my feelings and taking away any credibility to my feelings by topping my loneliness with a reason why THEY'RE MORE LONELIER THAN I AM SO I SHOULD QUIT COMPLAINING SINCE THEY HAVE IT WORST. I'll stop babbling. I'm not sharing anything important anyway, just me talking about me and there's nothing special about me.