Isolation as a way to cope?

Discussion in 'Opinions, Beliefs, & Points of View' started by dvnj22, Mar 6, 2013.

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  1. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    Lately I've been isolating myself from people as a coping mechanism. I don't really "fit in" and I have found that isolating myself from most people makes me happier. People have expectations of how you are supposed to be, and I've never matched those, so when I'm not around people I have my own world - where those things don't matter and i control it.

    Is also depressing seeing people ahead of you in life. I thinks it's better to just be alone, then constantly seeing a better life that you can't have. I can't conform even if I wanted too, I'm a oddity, and a dork. Asking me to be normal is like asking a guy in a wheelchair to walk. I do hang out with a few people I arealdy know, but no one else.

    It's annoying how as soon as people find out I don't have a girlfriend, cellphone, or an overwhelming desire to gain those things, it's down hill from there. I am religious which kind of forces me to be more social, whether thats good or bad I don't know. I look like a little boy, and I'm soft spoken most of the time, meek, so I think most people look down on me, and pitty me as that geeky little guy, whether then seeing me as an equal.

    Most of these things may just be me, but all I know is I feel better alone. Dealing with chronic misanthropy at times doesn't make it much better either.
  2. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Great word "misanthropy" - some days I can relate to that. Most days, however, it's not humanity I's me that gets my wrath and loathing. Some might consider that "outward" focus of yours a step in the right direction.

    As far as voice and personae go (IMHO) it seems depression makes us even more soft spoken than we think. I have to repeat myself over and over when it sounds to me as if I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and I think we're all geeky - just in different ways. For instance, I'm lonely much of the time and would like to interact with others BUT most people (and certainly multiples or groups) scare the crap out of me. Few are safe and most, by virtue of being human, will ultimately let you down or hurt you. Crazy ironic if you ask me... If it makes you feel better and doesn't further feelings of depression or suicide then snag some alone time and enjoy. If it promotes the opposite effect, may want to try for a little "time with other humans" too. :). (And you may wish I'd keep my opinion(s) to myself.)
  3. liktheangel

    liktheangel Active Member

    I'm an isolationist but I don't think it's a good thing because it really takes a troll on your social skills and mental health. I think I'm worse off for it but being alone is fine in my opinion. Isolation and aloneness are two different things. I'm starting to go outside of my room because I'm really miserable staying inside locked up so much.
  4. SadBk

    SadBk Well-Known Member

    I especially agree with this part. It's so painful to see others as if they're flaunting it, even though logically you know they're not, they're just living their lives, unaware of how it affects you (strangers and friends alike). I was fine before. But now that I've had a taste of something better, that's what I want, and not being able to have it is excruciating. Knowing I can never have it is the main thing that makes me suicidal and depressed. Not sure if we agree on the conforming thing... on the surface it seems like I want what "everyone else" does, but I'd truly rather be alone than live a lie. And I think a lot of people out there are content to fake it.

    We're not supposed to isolate ourselves but people make it hard not to want to. I crave alone time all the time. At least we can kinda have alone time while relating to each other on boards like this?
  5. f5j23jk2

    f5j23jk2 Well-Known Member

    I have no social life anymore and it kills me inside a little everyday, sometimes i feel so numb or empty it's like i lost my humanity or something.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I can relate to a lot of what you said, and people probably think I'm weird because I don't fit in, and don't want to. But if someone judges you before they get to know you, that's their problem. Sometimes I isolate myself to keep from getting hurt, but then I end up depressed from no human contact, so it's a catch 22. Isolating myself is just one of many coping mechanisms I've learned over the years, which I'm slowly trying to break.
  7. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Sorry if this question is inappropriate, but how are you feeling as a result of this behavior? Better? Worse? About the same? Maybe better in some ways, worse in others? Something else entirely, that I'm too dense to figure out from your post?

    The main reason for this -- possibly impertinent -- question is that, well, at this point I'm pretty much the past master of isolation. I've been so isolated from others for so long now that when I see a discussion of the state of being that is isolation... for me it is a bit like looking down the wrong end of a telescope. It has gone from a "method of coping" to a "mode of existence." As an example of what I mean, on several occasions I've actually gone so long without speaking that that when I finally have to open mouth to say something at first it kind of hurts. As in four or five days without uttering a word. If it were possible to be a "secular anchorite," well I guess I'd sign up for that tour.
  8. Active Member

    Same here. I do have the same question as worlds edge, does isolation really work for you ,dvnj? I am alienating myself from everyone lately, against my will, it's an overwhelming situation which drains all my power and maks me resentful towards other people. It just kills me and i hate it, but somehow i can't fight it so what's left for me is to drift away however far it takes me and fall to pieces every time, it's simply exhausting.

  9. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    I agree with everything said on here. For me, isolation is not only a coping mechanism but also a survival mechanism. Years of depression have drained all the energy and spirit out of me, so now it takes all my strength just to get out of bed every day. Engaging in actual conversation feels like climbing a mountain that has no peak.

    Conformity is exhausting (unless you are a conformist). Learning the language of The Crowd is exhausting. Playing the social game is exhausting.

    dvnj, I can totally relate about seeing people ahead of you in life. As the years pass I grow more obsessed with how people younger than me have already accomplished so much more than I ever will. They have families, careers, houses, money, respect from their community....

    The "wise" counsellors of life always say we should not compare ourselves to others. Impossible. It is hardwired into our DNA to be competitive. How can we NOT feel inferior to so many who have so much more?

    Witty, you are right. It is a Catch 22. My depression causes me to isolate myself, and the more I isolate myself the more depressed I get. And then I isolate myself even more.... How do we break that cycle?
  10. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    I fell good actually. I live with family so I never really alone, and I do have friends, not many, but very loyal friends. I did use the wrong word in my post, "misanthropy" is the wrong word, cause I don't hate people anymore. when I was a teen I was like Nietzsche, until I learned out how bankrupted a philosophy that is was - now I'm more like Thoreau. I highly suggest people her to read the book Walden, by Thoreau - if you haven't already. It made me feel better about my position in life and where I am going.

    Also I think it's good think about if we did all the things society and people expect of us, would we even be happy? Sometimes I look and wonder if getting married, having kids, dating, money would really make me happy? The only reason I felt an extreme desire to do those things is because people look down on me if I don't do those things. I'm 22 and a virgin and lately I would like to just stay the way I am, but people say your a loser and weird, so that is what makes me feel really bad, not really my actually situation.

    Really we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, you can't ask a disabled person to not be disabled, you can't someone to change there the way they look, and if your personality is different hen others but not harmful.... I ask why change it?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 11, 2013
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