I am about to reach one of them crossroads in life. Basically my life is about to go in one of two directions. If all goes well, my life is going to improve and actually have a little bit of meaning and purpose. It will not solve all my problems (far from it), but it will be a start and maybe things will start to get a bit better. Alternatively - and more likely - it's all going to go in the other direction, and it will all spiral out of control downwards and there will be absoultly nothing to stop it. When that happens, I will have hit rock bottom and far beyond what I can tolerate. For me, its game over. So whats going to decide my fate? I would rather not say specifically, but suffice to its in the hands of some very unpleasent people in my life who have the power to make or (more likely) break me. Three times in my past, I have been in this position and in the same situation, and three times, I have been so emotionally trumatised, it has taken YEARS to get over it - to be honest, I never fully recovered from the last incident. But now, I find myself in the firing line yet again. It could be said that I put myself up for this, to prove that I am actual real person and that organ which sits between my ears actually has a spark of life in it. But I want to prove to myself (before I go out of my way to end it) that at least I maybe I am better than a hopeless failure. I feel that I am having to face the one person in this world I would seriously like to inflict severe physical injury to - and at the same time - this person holds my very life in his hands. It sickens me to the lower depths my gut of having to 'confront' him and to play suck-up. But this is what I have to do in order to begin any hope of trying to build a life for myself - even at my age. Chances like this are rare and I could not live with myself if I did nothing about this and sit back and let it pass. ..and this all happens in the later part of next week, and possibly by this time next Friday, I will get the magic phone call. And to think, the next Saturday, I could be dead. I don't know why I writing this...apologies in advance for boring people. I'm just really hyper-stressed right now.