It all keeps getting to me :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Nov 15, 2011.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Feeling miserable like you won't believe. Yesterday it was my ex's birthday and tonight we had arranged a hotel to stay in after a meal out in town. Tomorrow is supposed to be the day I go for a date with somebody else but she's rescheduled it for another day. I won't question why but I know she's busy but I do think to myself she's lost interest. God I hope she isn't like my ex sweet and innocent at first and a nightmare soon after. What really hurts is that my ex promised like really promised to come with me to the hospital to have surgery on my knee done and to meet my half sister with me as it'd be the first time I'd have seen her and now I hate trusting people or comforting them by being my soft self. I am such a loser and she said so many vile things and threats to get me crippled :(
     
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    You arranged to stay in a hotel with your ex after going out for a meal? Or did I read that wrong? Hmm. I really think that you need to distance yourself from this ex of yours. You've said before she makes threats to you and that she suddenly wants you back now your going on a date despite the fact that she has a boyfriend. She's clearly getting off on the amount of control she has over your life, not to mention how unhealthy it is to depend on her for things when she treats you like crap.

    Isn't there a close friend or other family member that can go with you for the surgery and meeting your half-sister? You need to (and sorry if this sounds harsh) grow a back bone and show her she can't dictate your life. She's moved on with this new guy, so should you, and you'll only do that by removing her from your life entirely.

    Don't listen to her nasty threats and try to look forward to this date of yours. It could be the beginning of something. I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
     
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Oh no we planned this a month ago but then things really took a turn for the worse. I'm just thinking tonight was meant to be our night that's all. I have tried like last for instance we said we wouldn't get in touch for a few weeks and try save our friendship then a week in she texts me begging me to talk and I asked her if she was okay and she started saying how sorry she was but because I love her I had to believe she meant it. I hate/love her now.

    So I am trying to distance myself but she keeps leaving blots in my head and making it messy. I want to move on and date others but I think she won't let go even when she goes off with other guys. My friends have a theory that she believes she felt unworthy of my love and worried she couldn't make me happy but she did until she hurt me all those times.

    The only friend I'm talking too lately is an old girlfriend whose my mate and she lives too far away and is having domesticated troubles at home so she can't come and hardly anyone knows about my sister and she lives in a rather unpleasant part of London that you don't go to alone if your unfamiliar with that post code. My ex knew how much it meant to me that she was coming along. I've got not much going for me atm apart from this date :( people always say I'm funny but I haven't laughed in so long :( x
     
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