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It Always Creeps Back Up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Dec 24, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I feel bad posting here. I have mainly been hiding in the shadows talking to the few friends. I kind of ignored the forums. I am sorry to ask for help when not giving back any of my own.

    Anyway, today was the first time in about 2 months that I just casually thought about suicide. It just sort of came to me, I should.... well kill myself. I do not know why... It just came to me... then I do not know... I became really depressed.

    It is just.... I don't know.... worries me... for so long I was doing ok. Then just an off thought for no good reason. I am doing my best to improve... however, it feels like everything is crashing down... maybe ti is the stress of work.. I am kind of tired... I just do not know what to do...

    Thanks for reading, I think I am going to sleep for now.
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Have a good sleep and then come back and talk to us.
  3. Lovecraft

    Lovecraft Well-Known Member

    Episodes are part of the depressive condition you appear to have - it's normal that you'd suddenly feel a dip in mood and state as you enter an episode like this, I myself always had suicidal thoughts come with the episodes.

    Help is out there for this kind of illness. Please try and locate mental health help around you; with effort this can be a nuisance in your life rather than defining it.

    The way I saw it if I'd kill myself if I couldn't find adequate help I had nothing to lose.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just checking in to see how you are doing today...and please know you are always welcome...that is what we are here for...yes, the additional stress could set off these feelings...maybe talking to someone about how you are feeling right now will reduce how scared you feel...J
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks all I think I was just tired and bored yesterday. The holidays have killed off a lot of the activities that I normally do to keep myself busy. I am still kind of depressed but I think it is going away.

    Like Sadeyes said it is probably stress. My company has been making a lot of bad decisions recently. With the recent elections, I had the task pulling a miracle out of my ass. I get stressed out because this was a poorly planned project and because if it does not succeed my company will be one step closer to losing it's contract and I will be out of a job. Right now I can survive if I have a job... but not if I do not. Wrap that up with my goals of getting back in shape and reading some self-help books.. I barely have time to relax. Which is good because it keeps the depression away generally.

    Anyway, thanks for your support. I need to stop thinking about the past and the future and start focusing on the now.

    @Lovecraft: Thanks, I definitly have been overcoming my depression. Right now it is more of a nuisance than anything. I just hate these feelings because they come up so suddenly. I thought I was on the path to being rid of them.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Its funny how your mood can darken like that and it puts you way put of sorts especially if your not used to it. Work also can send you down a spiral and it looks like you've stored up some stress and your thoughts are maybe your minds way of saying 'ease off' or find time for yourself.

    You got to relax at some point - and you say 'get back in shape' which might mean work out with physical exercise. You can work a hard stressful job and it seems like enough exercise but its actually just a stress workout with no relief!

    If you are up to it, maybe a nice long walk might help you out. A lot of thoughts pop up walking - and even bad ones are easy to deal with as your busy walking and your senses are being kept busy and active. Getting home from work and pondering the stress of the day is a real killer.

    Anyhow, you likely know all that anyway's.

    Good luck and hope you keep on top of things.

    Sometimes we have to tell the inner voices we all hear to go to hell!

    My depression is a like yours, a nuisance. A real anti social runt. Like having a best mate who will proclaim everything is 'shite' (pardon the language) and see the worse in everyone and advice you not to go anywhere and never trust anyone or even bother being creative. A 'best friend' who tells us, in all sincerity, that we should kill ourselves. What a real killjoy SOB it is sometimes, er, all the time, when we're in 'it's' company.

    I'd like it to manifest itself sometime so I could beat the hell out of it.
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