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It been 5 years...

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Perishable

Well-Known Member
#1
#1
Since I was molested
The Bad dreams I have had stopped.

When I was 12 my ex best friend and her brother introduced me to a...
Sexual reality I guess you could say?
Porno's...sex details...

That was just the jist of it.
I endure the light stuff first, then went through rubbing and touching.
(Of course of sexual areas...not my elbow... I wouldn't have nightmares about that. :tongue:)

Sitting in her room... and... "Do you like that?" *shutters*

It took me a while to get over it.
(Theres more to explain in depth... But It was whole year of bullshit.)

So... I have this extreme urge to find these two people.
My Ex-Best Friend and her brother. (Mainly my Ex-best-friend)

And beat the fucking shit out of those mother fuckers.
I use to be scared out of my mind of even crossing paths with her.
She was smaller than me, but a year or 2 older... 13/14.
We live in the same small town... I use to see her all the time.
I felt so. Naked? Could I say that? Like it felt like despair.
I'm a pretty tought person, but shit, the feeling that came when I saw her face was horrible.
I haven't seen her brother ever since though.
Which is good on my end.

I just want to kick her ass. Besides the perverted mishandling she created in our "relationship" (I would say friendship but then I would be lieing)
She treated me bad in other ways. Using me.
I was too young to know what a friend was. I thought that was what a best friend was suppose to be. Oh boy, the innocences of the young.

How do these feelings of frieght turn into an extreme want of revenge.
Of brutality.

Mainly, I want to let her know how fucked she made me.
By meeting her and her brother...
By her actions...
They all conclude into a great amount of why I am so fucked up.

To make matter worse. When I told my mother. (Which I didn't give her details either, it my way of minor denial.)
She got pissed...AT ME!
She told me I was a horrible daughter for not telling her sooner. And that she didn't care.
My father told her that I was lieing.
(I was told this by my sister who over heard on of their conversations)





:sad: WHY IS EVERYTHING FUCKED UP? :dry:
 
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D

daytona0

Active Member
#9
#9
You said in your first post that the nightmares have stopped? Well hun, that is a very good thing! I think your a very strong person, but you just need to try and get on with life as best you can. You seriously are much better than them :smile: :hug:
 
W

wanttodie

Well-Known Member
#11
#11
Perishable said:
Since I was molested
The Bad dreams I have had stopped.

When I was 12 my ex best friend and her brother introduced me to a...
Sexual reality I guess you could say?
Porno's...sex details...

That was just the jist of it.
I endure the light stuff first, then went through rubbing and touching.
(Of course of sexual areas...not my elbow... I wouldn't have nightmares about that. :tongue:)

Sitting in her room... and... "Do you like that?" *shutters*

It took me a while to get over it.
(Theres more to explain in depth... But It was whole year of bullshit.)

So... I have this extreme urge to find these two people.
My Ex-Best Friend and her brother. (Mainly my Ex-best-friend)

And beat the fucking shit out of those mother fuckers.
I use to be scared out of my mind of even crossing paths with her.
She was smaller than me, but a year or 2 older... 13/14.
We live in the same small town... I use to see her all the time.
I felt so. Naked? Could I say that? Like it felt like despair.
I'm a pretty tought person, but shit, the feeling that came when I saw her face was horrible.
I haven't seen her brother ever since though.
Which is good on my end.

I just want to kick her ass. Besides the perverted mishandling she created in our "relationship" (I would say friendship but then I would be lieing)
She treated me bad in other ways. Using me.
I was too young to know what a friend was. I thought that was what a best friend was suppose to be. Oh boy, the innocences of the young.

How do these feelings of frieght turn into an extreme want of revenge.
Of brutality.

Mainly, I want to let her know how fucked she made me.
By meeting her and her brother...
By her actions...
They all conclude into a great amount of why I am so fucked up.

To make matter worse. When I told my mother. (Which I didn't give her details either, it my way of minor denial.)
She got pissed...AT ME!
She told me I was a horrible daughter for not telling her sooner. And that she didn't care.
My father told her that I was lieing.
(I was told this by my sister who over heard on of their conversations)





:sad: WHY IS EVERYTHING FUCKED UP? :dry:
Click to expand...


Did she go around telling everyone what she did ? If not, then consider yourself lucky because otherwise it would have ostracized you totally. I'm socially ostracized and trust me it could have been worse than it is already. But anyway, it doesn't matter if she meets you or anything. There are much bigger things to worry about in life(like job etc) and I think after a few years you would actually regret that you let these stupid things which happened early in your life bother you. Don't waste your time on this; Its no use at all. Also, quit trying to please everyone in your life. I used to please a lot of people in my life, always worrying about what they would think of me(Still do but to a lesser extent as before). You just can't please everyone you meet so to hell with them.
 
P

Perishable

Well-Known Member
#12
#12
I only try to please the people I care about.
Everyone else could go suck a monkey.
(A big fat hairy one with a banana up his butt)

I have a job. I don't need to put effort towards the main average goal in everyones life.
All is easily attained.

It's only those things that should not have happened and aren't as obvious that I want to accomplish.
Perhaps it being depletion of emotions. Becoming one with everything and feeling no effect from any cause.
 
C

Christianv2

Well-Known Member
#13
#13
Im sorry you feel the way you do. There will always be a feeling of wanting redemption and revenge in the back or maybe sometimes front of your mind, but you just gotta try and quell those feelings because the only person hurting right now is you. I hope you feel better at somepoint.

*hugs*
 
K

Kalookakoo

New Member
#14
#14
I've seen many people just lose it when they endure things such as your ordeal. You're stronger than you think, and it just takes what only seems to be a lot of courage to see that.
 
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