Maybe this is more of a vent... I dont know. So, here is the back story. Terminally ill mom who lived her life as an abusive nutcase. Verbally abusive. Is that honestly any better? She calmed down for a while, which took a long time after she got cut off from pain killers, but now that she is on them again, she has regained the addiction and the personality she had with it. I am an adult and due to certain circumstances, I live at home. Long story. My moms terminal illness is something she could've prevented, but because she didnt want to listen to Doctors she has a short amount of time left, probably less than anticipated bcause even now she wont change her lifestyle. Ok, there's the back story in a nutshell. Today I ended up accidentally shattering the window of her car. Something hit it and it shattered. One of those "stuff happens" deals. This was while I was out getting her fast food that she isnt allowed to have. My options are huge arguement or just cave. I gave up on the fighting a long time ago. Anyway, normal people get angry. It's understandable. She didnt get angry, she got cruel. Apparently I'm worthless, stupid, shouldn't have been born, etc. And I wish I was exagerating, but that is actually what I was told. It's been a long time I've been dealing with the verbal abuse, and I cant get out. I have no friends to take me in. No family either. I cant find a job, so Idont have the money to go on my own. Shelters I dont qualify for because I technically HAVE a home, and I dont qualify for domestic violence shleters. I am literally stuck. So, today I have thought about killing myself. It seems like I've exhausted all my options, and I cant live like this. Its so negative and I dont want my daughter around it either. As much as I WANT to die, if I do, I know my daughter will be left with my mom, and that scares me more than anything else that could happen to her. I dont want HER to be raised the way I was and by the same person, but the thought still lingers with me. I just wish there was a way out. A way out where both me and my daughter would end up ok, but one of us ends up hurt no matter what I decide to do. I guess maybe it's better for me to be the hurt one instead of her because smeday I'll be able to get out and become happy too, right?