Hey gang, it has been some time. For a while I was just feeling fine I didn't want to think about it. School was keeping me busy been getting stellar grades, beyond what I thought I was capable of been out of school for almost 4 years. Just recently these thoughts come firing back pretty intense to be honest. I stay up all hours of the night, usually up until about 3am by choice it's not that I can't sleep but as soon as I close my eyes I imagine how I can finally do it, how I can construct the ideal scenario where I can be left in peace and not be disturbed so I can not be interrupted. The motivation for certain activities absolutely deteriorates to a point where I find myself not even wanting to watch television shows I like it feels like a chore to fire up Netflix. I am so completely lost and wonder how an individual lives with this. I get up at 9 and it starts over and I feel like I am throwing on a fake smile as I am seen as being goofy and funny. But it's isolation that I crave lately but can be hard to achieve. What does one do??