It comforts me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lauru, Aug 26, 2010.

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  1. Lauru

    Lauru Well-Known Member

    My suicide plan comforts me. I have it tucked away in my pocket so to speak, and I carry it with me all day long every day. I know it is merely a matter of time till I do it. I just haven't decided on the exact right time yet. But I have the plan, and I have everything I need to do it. I can't wait, to feel peace and relief. I am not even looking for joy, just peace, relief, and even nothingness would be good. How could a god who made me this flawed and set up such a negative, abusive life for me, deny my right to peace? How could that god not forgive me. Hell, he should be lucky if I forgive him for making me this way! He created me and my life, and I got stuck living this hell for 37 years. Well, I am tired and done. So maybe if god is lucky I will forgive him.
     
  2. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    You know I can totally understand your situation here. There had been millions of times when I had the same kind of thoughts about God, I mean I see all these people living great lives though they have commited so many sins, and here I am who always remained a good person and still ended up with a fucked up life. Why would God do such injustice to me? And all the other people out there who are suffering like me. Many times I lost my faith in God and wanted to turn into an atheist...but I must tell you..something inside told me to hold on to the faith I once had in God...now I have become even more religious..n trust me it gives me little peace...It helps me to realize that perhaps one day I might get the perfect life that I deserve..now that I am wid God. Forgive God, and be rather religious..it will give you peace and show you the right path. Just an advice..
     
  3. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think you should just take responsibility for your life. I personally believe that God doesn't punish or reward us. I'd like to blame my parents, but blame isn't going to get me anywhere and I need to take responsibility for who I am and somehow somewhere I created this mess. Being a victim can feel so powerless, you're really the one in control of your life.
     
  4. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Life isn't fair. We all have our trials and tribulations. I have walked away from god because I don't feel his presence. He provides no comfort or shelter. In this world you have only one person you can depend on. You. You can make this life better. Happiness and life fulfillment are not a right, they are a choice and something that few obtain. You must persevere, because if it all changes? Force your self. You can do it? What has led you this far?
     
  5. Chanel1337

    Chanel1337 Member

    I can relate to what you are saying. Many times I would go outside and rail against a God that would make my life this way, make it so full of bitter experiences. Sometimes I wondered why I even still believed in him. But as I grew older, I realised that I couldn't just blame everything on God. Yes there were horrible things that happened in my life, but it happens to everybody even though we might not see it. We are ultimately responsible for own lives and we make our own happiness. I'm not saying I'm little miss sunshine all the time, but its taking little steps, and finding peace in the most simplest things.
     
  6. Lauru

    Lauru Well-Known Member

    Well, I AM mad at god, and I think I have a right to be. I choose to kill myself because I am so damn tired of trying so hard and still having the damn bipolar. I take my meds, and go to therapy and do everything I am supposed to be doing and still I get depressed and manic and depressed over and over again. I can't control the chemicals in my brain. That was done to me. Yes I know that everyone has it hard in one way or another. I am not denying that. But I think everyone has a right to live or not live their lives. It is each person's right to determine if they want to die by their own hands or by circumstance. I choose to die by my own hands. I realize society says I shouldn't do this. I just think society is wrong.

    Don't anyone mind me, I am crazy after all. I really don't matter to anyone really. I am just tired, damn tired of living this life. I am stopping the ride and I am getting off.
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Lauru. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down right now, but blaming God for your life's problems and challenges is not the answer. God created each and everyone of us with our own unique set of challenges that we must overcome. Some people may seem like they have perfect lives, but no one's life is perfect. Being bipolar definitely makes life much more challenging than someone who isn't bipolar, but it is not a death sentence. There are the emotional highs and lows that I'm sure you're well aware of. You have every right to end your own life, but remember that you're here for a reason and if you end your life prematurely, you will most likely reincarnate and be forced to pick up where you left off.
     
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