It could be helpful

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tonight, Sep 27, 2011.

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  1. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    To have somewhere on here that a new member can post immediately, and get immediate response.
    Or even let them in chat.

    even if its just one little section and the rest of the area is under the restrictions.

    Phone is out of the question, they trace it.

    but to introduce my reason for being here.

    after two back surgeries I can not longer work in the field I always worked in. Im am now stuck in a part time job answering phones and processing payroll.
    (this has been for going on 4 years now)
    We make our bills, but money is tight.
    My wife likes to point out that Im not making that much, she has no clue how much damage she is doing, but she wont listen to me. her answer to my problems? Then do something about it.

    My daughter, tired of the fighting became anorexic, and once a honor roll student, is now fighting to keep grades because she wont eat and cant pay attention. she is in therapy twice a week right now.

    I have the State claiming I owe them back taxes, that I dont, but they wont let up, they have levied my pay for two different tax bills, and now After paying off those, another bill showed up in the mail, they wont let me go. I evidently owe more in taxes than Ive made in the last four years.

    I have not been sleeping, and I am seriously depressed (wife doesnt want to hear about it) the stress has me feeling anxious all the time, in the last year Ive lost my appetite and have lost 60 lbs.

    at 53 years old, I dont have the time to change too much right now, so I am seriously thinking about just ending it.

    for tonight, I have taken two anxiety pills, and am in the process of drinking down about 6 ounces of Black Velvet. Wont kill me, but I should sleep pretty good for a change.

    I have already pretty much cut ties to friends, and have closed down social media outlets with family. I spent time tonight getting things in order that would be needed if I were to "leave"

    at any rate, it would be nice to have a ready outlet to talk. an outlet that wont result in someone tracing my phone number and sending intervention. I think I bypassed the act tonight, but every day the thought gets stronger, and I know its coming.
  2. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    Was I wrong?
    BP is 90 over 50....
    usually is 117 over 68
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to get some legal helpl to fight the taxes thing hun see what can be done there Family are the last to understand a mental illness they just dont get it. You say you daughter is getting help you need it too hun I know you feel overwhelmed i do but there is a way to get help talk to a legal advisor okay tell them whats happening and also get you some help now okay don't leave your daughter without a father hugs
  4. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    There are so many things to fix, and nobody works for free.. I understand thsi.
    Right now my money has to go to my daughter, she has potential, Im just waiting till a retirment of some sort. I checked today and could sell off my truck and trave trailer for around 50k, that plus what we put aside for her could get her through college.

    it leaves me with a bleak future. All I care about right now is getting her right and on her way. in the meantime, Im fighiting hard to stay alive... I even look at people cutting me off in traffic as a possible way out,. Deep down I should not be in public.. on the other hand if you are being threatened with a robbery, Im the man to step in.
  5. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    still up, another pill,4 more ounces.
  6. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    In the course fo a couple years we have gone from the "wealty" to the poor.
    wife has been making around 110 a year, I was making over 200.
    now Im making around 30k..... need more be sa9d?
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so overwhelmed and I can hear you're in pain~
    but please consider other options before you hurt yourself
    as TOTAL said, you need to get yourself some help so that you can continue to be there for your daughter and have some better quality of life for yourself..
    i'm not sure how she would cope with college if she loses her father ..she will be suffering indescribable pain and grief if you go..
    Have you and your wife also considered some counceling for yourselves?
    maybe she could go with you to the GP to get a better understanding of how you're feeling ..
    after 2 back surgeries, and I'm guessing a fair amount of pain, i believe you are doing an amazing job of coping with your circumstances..
    keep holding on ok...

    having lost a family member to suicide i can tell you that I would live under a bush if I could have him back and I'm sure your family feel the same about you..
    I know it's hard without 'wealth' but the most important things in life are free
    please stay are worth it
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 27, 2011
  8. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    just fell outside, might be where i want to be. so strange from where I was, never let them see you drunk, ever.
  9. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    I will fight this, its just that right now, I see no way out. Daughter blowing her shot at the vet schools we wanted her to go to, my income over 150 less than it needs to be. taxe hitting me, my life insurance would cover her education for at lease 12 years. I want above all things to become what will make her happy through her life.
  10. Tonight

    Tonight Member

    if I failed to mention, Im allergic to cats, whife has cats sleep on her bed, for me to even try to get a night sleep, I sleep on the living room floor, and that were we ar at ,, and she is hot
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