"It could be worse"

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by snarrylover, Mar 30, 2012.

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  1. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    How often do you hear that? And what is your reaction when you do?

    I've heard it quite a lot from family.

    - They tell me that I have it better than a lot of other people in the world
    - That I should he grateful for the things I do have
    - Things aren't as bad as I make them out to be
    - I have no right to complain...just look at everything going on in the world
    - And, of course, those dreaded words...it could be worse

    I know there is a lot of suffering in this world - suffering on all different types of levels. There's war, there's famine, there's murder, there's neglect. But don't you just hate hearing those words?

    Don't get me wrong, I'm so not the type of person to put myself above others, I don't exaggerate what I'm going through and I don't push other people's suffering to the back. I know I don't have it as bad as a hell of a lot of other people, and I am grateful that I have a home and a family and a job.

    But depression is an illness. I cannot just "get over it" and "cheer up." For a lot of people suffering with such things, things can't get any worse because that is simply how they feel. When it comes down to "emotional" suffering, I am a firm believer in...it's not how bad you have it - it's how it affects you and how you deal with it.

    Am I so selfish?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    No you are not being selfish...pain is not a contest, and each person's should be validated...I think people say those things when they are feeling sad and have nothing wise to say
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You aren't being selfish at all...you can't help that you are depressed. I hate when people say things like "people have it worse off than you" and talk about all the bad things in the world...that sometimes makes me more depressed. I don't choose to feel this way all the time. I still have problems, even if they aren't like others....I'm suffering emotionally. You shouldn't listen to people who just want to put you down, because they obviously have no idea how you are feeling.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun we cannot just get over it if we could don't they think we would have done that I am sorry people don't understand hugs
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Victoria, my hubby says that to me all the time, "It could be worse..."

    I've found a way of dealing with feelings and emotions, and that is to journal them. I started a thread here last week, I'll post it on to you. It really does work, if you keep at it - they get put into perspective, validated, acknowledged, but not majored on as all of what I am - just a part of me, which is what they are..... only a part...... there are other parts and it's up to us, as you say, how we deal with it and how much we let it affect us.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    .......the journalling thing:

    Hi - the following is offered as a suggestion to help those who are troubled by thoughts that they wish they could get rid of......... because of the feelings that these thoughts make them feel. It's horrible to feel bad and negative all of the time and not know what to do about it.

    This is an exercise that was given to me by a counsellor, and if it is done every day, as a journal, it really does help, I know from experience. It's something positive - a rung on the ladder out of the pit - and YOU are in complete control of it -

    1. Either on your computer or an exercise book, draw up a table, 5 columns down, 2 across (the 1st about 1/4 the width of the 2nd. The first column stays the same)
    2. The first column will contain the headings, and then each day you write about the headings in the 2nd column.
    3. The column headings are:
    1.1. "The Feeling I want to explore today is:"
    2.2. The self-talk that is producing this feeling is:
    3.3. The assumptions/beliefs that my self-talk is based on are:
    4.4. The truth about my assumptions/beliefs might be..... (and don't worry if you have absolutely no idea - it comes with practice)
    5.5. The way forward (for today*) that this presents me with is:

    OK, sounds too easy, or too "out there"? I'll give an example:

    1. Blaahhhh
    2. No one gives a shit and I don't know what to do
    3. That only people who are seen to have succeeded are able to be happy
    4. (I can take this belief and work with it - writing it down will help me to see how true it is) i.e. This is probably just an assumption that might not be true. If it's not true, I really don't need it.
    5. To ignore any thinking that tells me I am a failure. Everyone makes mistakes, and life is for learning, there is no shame in being human. I can believe that I do still have value


    I promise you, doing this daily, will begin to bring some light and order into your situation.

    It is worth a try.
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    To suggest that "other people have it worse" is like saying, "Your pain doesn't count because it's not as bad as his/hers." That's not very supportive and is very invalidating of the person's pain and self-worth.

    A person with bad blisters on their feet isn't likely thinking, "I'm luckier than some people because I have shoes!" They are likely thinking, "Damn, my feet hurt!" (When the person has band aids for the blisters and the pain has eased a bit, having experienced this pain themselves, they will probably think of the less fortunate person who has no shoes and therefore even more blisters.)
  8. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I have an online diary on here but it can't hurt to give this a go as well. I know I'll feel silly at first but I'll give anything a go if it might help. It'll be interesting to see if their are any patterns. Thank you for the suggestion :)
  9. Dead Ringer

    Dead Ringer Active Member

    It's probably the most stupid argument. Ever.

    I mean, look at those starving children in Africa. Why are they complaining? They're in paradise compared to Jewish children during WWII, right?
  10. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    AkA distraction and/or perspective. Both incredibly important or ignorant for the one enduring the pain, and the one talking to the one in pain. People relate through outside topics to control a situation. "im freaking out" "what do you have to freak out about, think of all those people dying ect" the contrast is supposed to ... well You get the idea. If you don't have a think about it. People will always try to draw you away from just you, to you and them, or them. It's a way of indirectly dealing with the situation without getting to personal about it. imo atleast. The end desire is up to you to decide if they are wanting to really help you, or calm you down, or simply shut you up because they feel you existencing the way you are existing in their vacinty isn't apprioriate to them. So they'll throw shit in your face to make you think about shit that doesn't matter in your moment. Sometimes that's good though, sometimes you don't want to see the rest of the world.

    Im chasing my tail here... :( It just sucks hard when someone throws that infinity cruve ball your way when youre feeling who you are, and needing help. Needing some support to deal with it or find out what the hell is going on around you. And all people do sometimes is throw irrelevant conceptual bullshit in your heart.
  11. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    No you're not selfish at all!

    One thing that annoys me the most with people that try to say that others have it worse is that in a way they are saying that your pain doesn't matter. And everyone's does. That's why when I hear that- even when it's not directed at me- I want to cry, because even if they don't mean it that way. It just is a way to say 'what you are feeling does not matter because (whatever reason)' and it's wrong.
  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    They sure do Blakey! But I've come to understand they do that because either they don't know what else to say, and/or they still like to feel in control (somehow, anyhow).

    Whereas, they could really be of help, if they were not so terrified, by asking a simple empowering question "Would you like to talk about it?" - to at least appear caring and compassionate. People are still people, and feeling loved is primal. When that gets removed, we don't feel safe.......and (depending on who we share it with) reaching out still needs to be seen as a step forward. That's why this site is so gr8 :)
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