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It didn't work - obviously. It may still but I doubt it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Jan 22, 2011.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I don't know what happened Thursday night. I know I took a <Edit Moderator Method>. I woke up on the office floor having somehow having got locked in. I can't remember going in there. Had to call a locksmith who came to the house and broke in for me freeing me! I got too carried away while cutting and I was drinking while I was doing it. I went to A+E yesterday evening and told them I had cut only a couple of hours ago. I did it really deep this time. They had a few problems with it and was the consultant who ended up sewing me up. They had me on gas and air while they were doing it as I had had a lot of local already.

    While one of the cuts was being sewn up I threw up all over the place. Very embarrassing. They asked me if I had taken anything but I denyed it. I don't think what I took will cause much damage if any.

    I feel so let down with myself that I didn't manage to get done what I needed to. I was meant to go out and go somewhere to do it but all I have is one big blank. There is blood all over the house and I keep trying to get rid of it but it keeps appearing. I don't know how long it will be before I can attempt again.

    I spoke to the nurse guy I have seen a few times as A+E referred me to his dept again. He asked what I wanted him to do and I asked him what he could do. I thought in the past I had told him about the blood letting and he said I hadn't. He said he was quite worried about that and wasn't aware that it was so often. He managed to get me some Diazepam though. So hopefully when I get anxious I can take some of that.

    I have ordered stuff off line for self harming with. I am sick of having messed up fingers every time I cut as of breaking the <Edit Moderator Method> I know I shouldn't be as will just make it easier for me to SH with but I need it at the moment.

    I have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Monday. I was referred back to them from Primary Services as they felt that they couldn't deal with me as was too complex. That's nice to know! I have gone back on meds now. I have gone back on the Mirtazapine. So at least I am getting sleep at night.

    My leg is so painful. It's never been like this when I have SH'd in the past. I can barely walk on it. I have been given dihydrocodeine. Doesn't seem to work that well though. It's never hurt like this before which is just making me even more miserable! I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Everything is just crap!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HEy i am sorry you injured yourself I am happy you got some help Instead of harming yourself go into hospital and talk to someone okay. You deserve kindness not more pain. Please reach out next time to crisis or the hospital and go in and get the support you need Hugs to you
  3. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Have you spoken to anyone from M.I.N.D? Just a thought as to some extra help for you. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. :hug:
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I see a counsellor once a week but I am not sure it has much benefit really. All I can think about is death at the moment. I am not sure what is stopping me from going out there and just doing it. I was going to on Thursday but ended up passing out in a locked office. I am not sure if what I took on Thursday will have a delayed reaction. I feel a bit weird still but other than that fine. I denyed having taken anything at the hospital yesterday but I think she may have suspected. Or that I had a bad reaction to dihydrocodeine. The nurse guy from Psych new I had an appointment on Monday with the psychiatrist. How he knew I don't know as I only booked it 2 days before and it's not even at the same hospital. But he said he would contact the psychiatrist and let him know about what happened. They think it was during the day that I self harmed. I knew they wouldn't stitch it if they knew the truth that was early hours of the morning when it happened. As much as it hurts now all I want to do is do it again! Mad!
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi golden remember what traumaqueen wrote, od's don't work. please give it time with your new counsellor. as i remember you have only been less than half a dozen times. you know your issues are deep seated. it will take time to get better. sending a big hug, if okay. thinking of you,
  6. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    There's a heap of folk that are sensitive to coedine so it could be that making you feel weird. A girl I know can't even take cough syrup with it in.

    Please stick with it and carry on. I know I don't know you, so I'm maybe not in the right place to advise you, but if I can help I will. :hug:
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