I don't know what happened Thursday night. I know I took a <Edit Moderator Method>. I woke up on the office floor having somehow having got locked in. I can't remember going in there. Had to call a locksmith who came to the house and broke in for me freeing me! I got too carried away while cutting and I was drinking while I was doing it. I went to A+E yesterday evening and told them I had cut only a couple of hours ago. I did it really deep this time. They had a few problems with it and was the consultant who ended up sewing me up. They had me on gas and air while they were doing it as I had had a lot of local already. While one of the cuts was being sewn up I threw up all over the place. Very embarrassing. They asked me if I had taken anything but I denyed it. I don't think what I took will cause much damage if any. I feel so let down with myself that I didn't manage to get done what I needed to. I was meant to go out and go somewhere to do it but all I have is one big blank. There is blood all over the house and I keep trying to get rid of it but it keeps appearing. I don't know how long it will be before I can attempt again. I spoke to the nurse guy I have seen a few times as A+E referred me to his dept again. He asked what I wanted him to do and I asked him what he could do. I thought in the past I had told him about the blood letting and he said I hadn't. He said he was quite worried about that and wasn't aware that it was so often. He managed to get me some Diazepam though. So hopefully when I get anxious I can take some of that. I have ordered stuff off line for self harming with. I am sick of having messed up fingers every time I cut as of breaking the <Edit Moderator Method> I know I shouldn't be as will just make it easier for me to SH with but I need it at the moment. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist on Monday. I was referred back to them from Primary Services as they felt that they couldn't deal with me as was too complex. That's nice to know! I have gone back on meds now. I have gone back on the Mirtazapine. So at least I am getting sleep at night. My leg is so painful. It's never been like this when I have SH'd in the past. I can barely walk on it. I have been given dihydrocodeine. Doesn't seem to work that well though. It's never hurt like this before which is just making me even more miserable! I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Everything is just crap!