It does feel good

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by aoeu, Dec 8, 2008.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't have a knife sharp enough to break my skin, but god damn that feels good... I have no one to talk to. The only person who might talk to me just makes me hurt all over again... and she's not even around at the moment. I can't drink because I'll probably have a seizure again, so I have to just draaaaag the knife over my skin, HARD. [And I don't have to worry about tetanus like the last time I cut with a knife sharp enough to pierce skin!]
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    keep trying to resist the urge to cut, you deserve so much better. how are you doing today?
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Despite it feeling good, still try to slowly slow down the frequency of cutting.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Aoeu,

    how are you feeling today? :hug:
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I think we can all empathize with how good cutting can feel when feeling low, anxious, or alone. Are you sure there's nobody you can talk with? Even having a conversation with a stranger makes me feel better than cutting.

    Another thing you can try is wrapping a rubber band around your wrist, then when you get the urge to hurt yourself you can raise a side, and let it slap you. That way you feel pain without hurting yourself.

    Or you can take up wrestling alligators :)

    Stay strong,

  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It's been sorted out. I've stopped cutting, my life seems to be on the upswing. My new friendship ended cold-turkey with no warning to me, but my old supportive one is being rekindled since Tuesday. :)
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Actually, I might continue on cutting, but not for relief.

    I'm more than a little bit of a masochist :-o
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's good news that things are on the upswing for you, hope it continues.
  9. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It didn't. Out comes the knife AND the booze - I hope I don't have another seizure.
  10. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    What happened? Why did it all turn around?
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Nothing really changed. I just can't handle the lonely nights, especially after stopping the medication.
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Frankly, I agree, but I'm not GETTING any better than this, shy of death. I need a sharper fucking knife.
  13. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Scratch that last bit. I'm getting along fine with the dull knife, I'm figuring out where I can get the best pain. Stabbing hurts a bit too much... Well, it hurts too much now. It'll probably be about right when another person abandons me, which they will.

    I never hate myself except when I cut and drink. Usually I like myself, but I can not fucking stand my self-destructiveness. I deserve better for myself... I deserve someone to love.

    But what I deserve and what I get are worlds apart. What I get is a knife.
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