It does feel good

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by aoeu, Dec 8, 2008.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't have a knife sharp enough to break my skin, but god damn that feels good... I have no one to talk to. The only person who might talk to me just makes me hurt all over again... and she's not even around at the moment. I can't drink because I'll probably have a seizure again, so I have to just draaaaag the knife over my skin, HARD. [And I don't have to worry about tetanus like the last time I cut with a knife sharp enough to pierce skin!]
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    keep trying to resist the urge to cut, you deserve so much better. how are you doing today?
     
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Despite it feeling good, still try to slowly slow down the frequency of cutting.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Aoeu,

    how are you feeling today? :hug:
     
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I think we can all empathize with how good cutting can feel when feeling low, anxious, or alone. Are you sure there's nobody you can talk with? Even having a conversation with a stranger makes me feel better than cutting.

    Another thing you can try is wrapping a rubber band around your wrist, then when you get the urge to hurt yourself you can raise a side, and let it slap you. That way you feel pain without hurting yourself.

    Or you can take up wrestling alligators :)

    Stay strong,

    James.
     
  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It's been sorted out. I've stopped cutting, my life seems to be on the upswing. My new friendship ended cold-turkey with no warning to me, but my old supportive one is being rekindled since Tuesday. :)
     
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Actually, I might continue on cutting, but not for relief.

    I'm more than a little bit of a masochist :-o
     
  8. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's good news that things are on the upswing for you, hope it continues.
     
  9. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It didn't. Out comes the knife AND the booze - I hope I don't have another seizure.
     
  10. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    What happened? Why did it all turn around?
     
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Nothing really changed. I just can't handle the lonely nights, especially after stopping the medication.
     
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Frankly, I agree, but I'm not GETTING any better than this, shy of death. I need a sharper fucking knife.
     
  13. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Scratch that last bit. I'm getting along fine with the dull knife, I'm figuring out where I can get the best pain. Stabbing hurts a bit too much... Well, it hurts too much now. It'll probably be about right when another person abandons me, which they will.

    I never hate myself except when I cut and drink. Usually I like myself, but I can not fucking stand my self-destructiveness. I deserve better for myself... I deserve someone to love.

    But what I deserve and what I get are worlds apart. What I get is a knife.
     
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