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it doesnt get better

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by frypan367, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. frypan367

    frypan367 Well-Known Member

    I hate hearing it gets better it will get better. Thats what i thought when i endured years of bullying and nasty people saying bad stuff behind my back because they enjoy hurting others as a past time. Thats what i thought when i endured those people blaming me and making up idiotic excuses that a five year old would not believe for what they have done and watched as everyone took their side. Because school is so important ( nope!!!) and oh it gets better. it has been 8 years and it did not get better.

    Well yes after high school i didn't meet any more people that did that. But i already had permanent brain damage by then. And you know what? it didn't get better. Because i still have to experience the same pain every single day. I don't enjoy anything and i constantly think about killing myself. I have tried to kill myself a lot more so recently but it is not easy because of natural reflexes. Even if i could just push a magic button to cure this or to die, i would chose to die without hesitation. I do not find confiding in others of much benefit at all since I have social anxiety disorder as well as severe depression which makes me not want to talk to other people and not only get no enjoyment out of conversation, I find that it makes me feel horrible. I have regressed to the point where i can't even talk to people on this site anymore.

    Why should i live just for the purpose of existing? Because "it gets better"? it doesn't get better and i don't have any reason to believe it even could.
  2. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    This posting just jumped out at me, so I'll do my best to help you, or at least let know you I care and feel you pain in a way.

    It does get better, you just need to get therapy and allow yourself to realize that you are a good person.

    I was also bullied my entire life and I know the damage it causes. I'm still to this day trying to come to terms with the fact that I was not at fault. I'm a good person, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was an easy target to my bullies.

    I'm sorry you have brain damage, and I hope you are receiving help from a medical professional. I don't know your situation, and won't pretend I could relate to what you are enduring on a daily basis, but know I care.

    I also understand that you feel you can not talk to people on this site (I feel a bit the same), however, you can talk to me - I won't judge you ever!

    I hope you will overcome your abuse, and try to find a reason to life, and not just exist. Life is not easy, and you are in dark place right now.

    Never give up on yourself and allow your bullies to win. Fight with every fiber of your being.

    It can rain every day....
  3. frypan367

    frypan367 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately it does not get better. Ive tried all the tpyes of anti depressants ive tried therapy both havent worked. Ive tried self help. Didnt work. There is no cure for me. I have no reason to live.
  4. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you are going through all this and feel hopeless. I've not had much luck with Antidepressants either, and I'm currently not in therapy myself. Self help is not really something I'm a fan of (subliminal messages/motivational speaking). Some forms might help like positive affirmations/self talk/mindfulness are healthy and free :)

    I seriously hope you will find a reason to live, never give up. Keep talking to us here please.

    Best Wishes.
  5. ravens

    ravens Well-Known Member

    invis :( :hug: