it doesn't get better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iwantout, Feb 22, 2010.

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  1. iwantout

    iwantout New Member

    it doesn't get better. i've wanted to kill myself since i was 9 years old, i'm 23 now. it doesn't improve, it gets worse, more frightening, more lonely. i feel like i'm in a cage 24/7 and at any moment some hunter will come out and shoot me. i feel vulnerable and exposed, and terrified and sad. i'm tired of this. i'm so damn tired of trying to explain myself to people, why i do the things i do, why i avoid them, they don't understand, i don't even understand i'm just fucking sick of it. i'm sick of feeling terrified all the time. i'm sick of being a failure. i'm sick of being so alone, all the time, i'm sick of having not one person reach out to me when i'm crying violently in front of them. i'm sick of people treating me like i'm worthless, like i'm some strange freak who doesn't deserve to be in the same room with them. i know i'm not good enough, ok you don't need to remind me, i'm aware of it all the time, and i wish i could slash my eyes out and not see, i wish i could hurl something at them, just let it all out. but theres nothing but cold dark emptiness inside, all the time. i am really sad, lonely, and i have no hope for the future. death would be a relief. death would be a blessing at this point. i'm living in my own personal hell, and nobody knows it.
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    wow - since you were 9?

    i didn't feel that way until i was 15

    now i'm 51 with a wife, 3 kids, a beatup car and a mortgage - most of that didn't happen until after i was 30

    i can hear your pain and i've been/am still there myself

    have you ever tried reaching out to a counseler or a crisis hotline?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Therapy does help take the pain away it really does withthe right psychologist you can heal some of that pain you can take some of the sadness and darkness away. You need help to do that even some meds help You are still very very young and have time to heal with right therapist try okay
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    ((HUGS))..I feel your pain..
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