it doesn't get better. i've wanted to kill myself since i was 9 years old, i'm 23 now. it doesn't improve, it gets worse, more frightening, more lonely. i feel like i'm in a cage 24/7 and at any moment some hunter will come out and shoot me. i feel vulnerable and exposed, and terrified and sad. i'm tired of this. i'm so damn tired of trying to explain myself to people, why i do the things i do, why i avoid them, they don't understand, i don't even understand i'm just fucking sick of it. i'm sick of feeling terrified all the time. i'm sick of being a failure. i'm sick of being so alone, all the time, i'm sick of having not one person reach out to me when i'm crying violently in front of them. i'm sick of people treating me like i'm worthless, like i'm some strange freak who doesn't deserve to be in the same room with them. i know i'm not good enough, ok you don't need to remind me, i'm aware of it all the time, and i wish i could slash my eyes out and not see, i wish i could hurl something at them, just let it all out. but theres nothing but cold dark emptiness inside, all the time. i am really sad, lonely, and i have no hope for the future. death would be a relief. death would be a blessing at this point. i'm living in my own personal hell, and nobody knows it.