It doesn't matter what they think

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by _nu, Oct 25, 2006.

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  1. _nu

    _nu Well-Known Member

    Social anxiety is a pretty big problem for me. yeah yeah i know that "you shouldn't care what other people think about you!" and i dont, in a sense, but i still lack that 'thing' that most other people have with being social. i mean, if someone doesn't like me, then fuck them. i dont care. but otherwise, i always have trouble making friends. how can i be myself, and not care what other people think, and still be friendly? it's weird. when someone says something to me, i feel that i HAVE to say something back, because it doesnt make me an asshole, and i dont want to be an asshole to most people. i want to be a guy that other people want to be friends with. sometimes i want to be the life of the party. wtf is wrong with me? i'm not confident enough? how do i become more confident? whenever i'm outspoken, it's either because i'm drunk, know a lot about the subject of conversation (normally computers, which means that i make nerdy friends :laugh: ), or i feel like i'm just a big fake. people have told me "you need to be more social". well how do i do that? just say whatever comes to my head? i've tried that and all i get is gibberish!
  2. Syd

    Syd Guest

    To gain more confidence, it helps to be part of a group - to feel accepted. Of course, it's easier to become part of a group when you have confidence? Catch-22? Well, almost. Start with one person you're comfortable with, and you can make new friends through them, or both of you can approach people together. If you're looking for specifically like-minded people or those with similar interests, you might be able to find a club or group that specifies in something, and meet people there. A lot of things help. Medication, therapy, spending time with a loving family, good friends, employees at work, students at school, etc. All of this helps a little, but the important thing is just to take chances and open up to people whenever you can. You may be someone who prefers being alone or only with close friends (I'm that way) and in that case, being alone is fine.. and you can still be social when you need to be. A balance is good, I think. If you do want to be the life of the party though, that's a pretty extreme goal.. but it's going to take a long time, and you might never be the person you want. Just take things slowly, and it will get better as you get more practice.
  3. _nu

    _nu Well-Known Member

    thanks syd, but i'm not really sure if i'm comfortable with anyone around here, and idk... im just going to be a loser the rest of my life. if i accept that, i won be sad
  4. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    :blink: hey, I like talking about computer stuff.. does that make me a nerd? I prefer the term, "geek" btw.

    accept you will be a looser all your life? AACK! Is this the sour grapes philosophy.. I can't have the grapes so I'll just tell myself they are sour and I never wanted them anyway.. thus cushioning the blow of the fact I'll never have them.

    You are not a looser. I don't know you very well but in my wolds view there are no loosers. Every human being has a place, a purpose, fills a space in the fabric of life. Perhaps you can accept that you are not a looser.. just a human being like the rest of us, prone to failings and conditions as well as gifts and abilities.

    Not overyone in an extrovert. Some people gain "energy" being around others, socializing, etc. For me it's always been draining. Necessary but draining. I do not seek center stage but prefer to be the one who helps make the props for the background.

    If you can just accept who you are without "titles", just the good and the bad, then I would consider that a more balanced acceptance. It's good to know our shortcomings as well as our gifts. I will never be an orator.. I prefer writing and drawing. there is no bad or good in that.. looser or winner. Just being.
  5. _nu

    _nu Well-Known Member

    wow Luliby you just completely reminded me of the Tao right there.
    anyway, because it's hard to put in words what im feeling right now, im just going to say thank you. you've temporarily made me happy, and thats a good thing:smile:
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