It feels all hopeless.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hanging_Hope, Aug 23, 2009.

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  1. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    I'm supposed to go on a trip in some days that could change my life but...suddenly, everything seems hopeless again. I'm one hundred percent sure something will go wrong and I'll become disappointed again.

    I've got no one. No one right now. Maybe people in this forum care, but no one in real life does. Not even my own parents. Everyone always tells me that they love me deep inside, because I'm their child, but they just don't care. My father has forgotten I exist, he has his other kids, the ones he got with his new wife to care about. I only see him about once a year, and he doesn't do anything for me. My mother is almost just as bad. She has her boyfriend, she always goes on trips abroad and she keeps comparing me to my cousin in Japan, pointing out how great she is compared to myself.

    As for friends, no one. Just no one. They've all backed away from me, most of them don't like to have anything to do with someone who is as suicidal as me. It goes this way. And I just feel, all alone..

    These days I keep calling suicide hotlines. Because I have no one to call and talk to.

    And it's all just...going downhill again. I've been thinking of ending it all today. That's how bad it is. I hate my life. I haven't got the courage to live it. I just...really don't.
  2. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    I can relate to you in so many ways. My "father" has chosen his new wife over me. When I made him pick me or her, he chose her. So I left his fucking ass and I moved on, away from him. I have no one. All my friends left me because I cut and I want to die. But if I could choose to be like this, you think I would want to be?

    I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here if you need to talk. You can get through it.
  3. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    I just don't think I can take it anymore. All these memories came rushing back to me and it's too much to handle.

    I think I'm going ahead with it tonight.
    Thank you guys. Be safe.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I know it seems hopeless but its not we are here we are your friends keep talking to us okay. Many of us understand what you are going through so please don't hurt yourself. You are very strong to call crisis team please continue to do thisand if you feel you are going to hurt yourself tell them and they will send you some help please keep trying okay we are here we care.
  5. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    hi H Hope

    hope you are doing ok,just thought I'd let you know I relate to how you feel very much :console:
  6. catnip43

    catnip43 Active Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Last Friday I had a complete meltdown and called the suicide line. I was going to end it. I haven't been able to work in over two years because of mentall illness and I've been turned down twice for disability, despite I have a good lawyer and I have 5dxs. And friends? Nada, zip, ZERO. They all abadoned me because of the depression. My Father isn't around anymore, died when I was twelve so the only calls I get are from my Mother who lives 2 miles away, and she claims she understands the depression, but has told me flat out that if I feel the need to go to the ER because I'm feeling a danger to myself, that she will "have nothing to do with that. Your'e too smart for that and those people are weak and pathetic". Well I guess I am weak and pathetic then. She is a hypocrite, is controlling, and is always trying to tell me what to do..sigh...

    And things going downhill? Everyday I wake up I think of all my cashed in 401K and IRA money I've had to live off, dwindling down the drain.

    Anyway, I hope things are better today for you. It was kind of a bummer for me, but it's dark and rainy which is when I can feel the depression lift, if even just a wee bit.

    Take care,

  7. catnip43

    catnip43 Active Member

    Regarding Violet's comment about being strong to call the crisis team. Yes, you need to give yourself a HUGE pat on the back for that. I've had suicidal thoughts for over a year and I just got the courage to call for the FIRST time last week. I can't be too much help since I'm feeling pretty hopeless myself, but just know you're not alone.

    Take care,
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