I'm supposed to go on a trip in some days that could change my life but...suddenly, everything seems hopeless again. I'm one hundred percent sure something will go wrong and I'll become disappointed again. I've got no one. No one right now. Maybe people in this forum care, but no one in real life does. Not even my own parents. Everyone always tells me that they love me deep inside, because I'm their child, but they just don't care. My father has forgotten I exist, he has his other kids, the ones he got with his new wife to care about. I only see him about once a year, and he doesn't do anything for me. My mother is almost just as bad. She has her boyfriend, she always goes on trips abroad and she keeps comparing me to my cousin in Japan, pointing out how great she is compared to myself. As for friends, no one. Just no one. They've all backed away from me, most of them don't like to have anything to do with someone who is as suicidal as me. It goes this way. And I just feel, all alone.. These days I keep calling suicide hotlines. Because I have no one to call and talk to. And it's all just...going downhill again. I've been thinking of ending it all today. That's how bad it is. I hate my life. I haven't got the courage to live it. I just...really don't.