It's been a couple months since I've been on here. I've been able to get some perspective on things. I made some awesome friends, I went to sixth form, got some good grades, I have 2 jobs now and I got so much better. I've been helping people in the local youth group with their problems, helping them to gain some perspective on things and to see that people do care. Never, ever did I think that I could go back down into that dark hole again. In general teenage terms, this sucks. I just want to sit here and cry. It doesn't get better, it just gets pushed back all the time till it breaks me. I don't know why. I can't talk to anyone, I just can't bring myself to open my mouth and speak up, whether they are a professional, my friends, my family or people I don't know. Hatred is flowing through my veins for myself, I'm lying to myself, it feels like I'm going insane. It feels like I'm back at the bottom again, I can't get back up either.