It feels like I'm waiting for something big...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by No1_knows_me, Nov 20, 2010.

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  1. No1_knows_me

    No1_knows_me Active Member

    A few weeks ago when I thought of suicide, it just felt like the perfect escape strategy and only brought some relief knowing I can end my struggles any day I want.
    Then I set a date of expiration which I try to reach before doing anything to myself. And now when I think of killing myself I get this weird feeling. As if I was waiting for something big, kinda feels like when you're a kid waiting for xmas. And then there's also the feeling similar to what you have when you wanna get your exam back but you're really nervous about the grade.
    I just want these months to pass faster. I'd probably do it earlier if I had the means but I don't and I don't wanna ruin the sheets, you know?
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you seen a Pdoc?? Or a therapist?? If you are feeling that close to harming yourself then go to the A&E..You need to talk to a professional..I've been fighting suicidal Ideation for forty years with three attempts..After five years of therapy I have learned coping skills so I won't do any harm to myself unless something drastic happens..Please seek the help.. Keep posting here also for support.. Take Care!!
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    STranger is right okay time to start getting the therapy you need to get well. We all have had that feeling of content of excitement because it is something that we have control of. It is just anther stage of depression you are in
    time to get help for the depression NOW okay get it treated and get feeling better about you.
  4. No1_knows_me

    No1_knows_me Active Member

    I am getting therapy and I'm on meds. Things just look so dark and I'm not sure if I wanna even try to get better. And I'm NOT gonna tell anyone about these thoughts, I don't wanna be sent to a psychiatric ward again. I hated that place so much! Every night I think if I'll make it through the next day. I'm tempted to kill myself, it would solve all the problems at once.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    how long have you been on the meds it takes 6 weeks before they kick in If they are not working then ask for a new medication Healing takes time okay i have been in therapy awhile and i know how hard it can get. Once you push through the hard stuff there is more light okay. You just have to believe in your therapist and in yourself
  6. No1_knows_me

    No1_knows_me Active Member

    Well the meds were just started but I don't want meds to be the only reason for me to live. If it's gonna be like that then screw life. I thought I could make it to the date of expiration but it seems like that's too far away from now.
  7. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    The meds aren't the reason you live, they help you see the reasons you have for living.
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