It feels like I've lost them forever.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by mixedemotions, Sep 19, 2009.

  1. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    I don't really know how to start this, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest, because I feel so lost. I'm on the brink of tears all the time and just don't where to turn. I feel like total shit and I have no one to turn to, due to the whole family being affected by this and friends just don't seem to understand. I thought maybe some one here on the forum may be able to help me...

    So here goes...
    I know the people I am going to talk about cant actually 'gone' but I still feel as if I have lost them in some way. Things will never be the same now, even if they do get the chance to 'come back.' Right well, My brother and his wife have broke up and things have got a little messy in the process, to the point where my brother is having to have supervised visits with his children and can only see them 3hours a week! He doesn't know why he is having to have these visits in this way and why he cant see his children by his self but social services are involved. The rest of the family have been told that we can not have any contact with the children and we are all suffering but I'm really upset about it all. My brother is in bits as you can imagine, he is 30 years old and is back living with his parents! So every thing is a mess.

    So they broke up on the.. 19th of July and since then none of the family have had contact with the children, apart from once when we all went on a day trip. The children weren't the same and didn't seem as happy and confident as they once were. I'm so worried about them and just don't know what to do. I feel so lost, I'm missing them so much and cant do any thing about it. I bumped into the oldest child on tuesday morning and we sat and had a chat for about 5minutes, it made me felt fantastic just knowing that he seemed safe and was enjoying his new school. Then the following day I seen him again and he told me that his mother has told him he can not talk to me any more, or any one else.

    Today his mother took his mobile phone off him, and has changed his number so no one in the family can contact him, not even his father.

    I'm so worried about the children, i don't think they are safe with thier mother, she cant seem to look after her self, never mind two children and beig pregnant.

    I'm so hurt now. I feel like I'm dying inside. I'm lost, I have lost two of the most important people in my life and I can do nothing about it!

    I just want to hug them, make sure they are ok and tell them I'm hear to listen if they need me. I'm scared for them.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is so hard when a mother does not see the need of her children. Any support for the children at this time would help them immensley and taking that support away is wrong. Is there no way your parents can't get the court involved as i know that there are rights for grandparents now in some places. I feel for you as what she is doing is wrong so wrong lets pray she wakes up and stops using her children as weapons against everyone. Their father needs to document everything and bring it up to court
  3. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    My parents have been advised to try stay out of it for now but its so hard for us all. It's hard to see the children across the street and know that you cant go over to talk to them, to hug them or just to make sure they are safe.

    The children's father is documenting every thing as he will do any thing to see his children. It is so hard for all of us, but he is in bits, I have never seen him like this before. Most days he just sits and reads, watches television or plays on a game, he doesn't like to talk about it, just the mentioning of his children's names upset him. I love him and his children so much but I'm so scared.

    The children don't understand what is going on and their mother is brain washing them to believe we are the bad guys, but we are not, she is. At one point they were even calling their father Mr No body, until their was warned. She is a total bitch and I know this might sound horrible but the children would be better off without her. The children should be with their father and their family who care for them. Not some one who is putting them at risk.

    I'm so lost. I just want to hug them
  4. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I don't know what he did for them to break up and until everyone knows the real story, it's hard, especially for the children.

    However, I will say that there are a lot of selfish women out there. They frequently file false abuse charges and restraining orders with the court. They do this to hurt the father and to assure them to get child support. With the abuse charges on the father, he will be unable to ever file for joint custody. Because if the father gets joint custody, then they would share expenses and she can't get child support. This happened to my friend who has been unable to see his daughter. She's filed numerous false restraining orders and most of them were thrown out, but she finally found a judge who took pity on her and made my friend go to "anger management" although he never touched her and there was no evidence of any abuse. He finally got permission to see his daughter, but the mother has completely brainwashed her into believing my friend is abusive. The daughter won't speak to him. There are countless stories of this. I was sitting in court listening to other abuse cases before his. One woman was outside laughing and heehawing with her lawyers. The minute she would get in the courtroom, she would look down and weepy. She got on the stand and was tearful to the point of nausea, and when she was cross-examined, her testimony began to conflict with her earlier statements.

    I know there is abuse, but there is abuse by both sexes and unfortunately, the children become the real victims.
  5. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    there is nothing you can do. their mother has no right to stop you from seeing them but since breakups are messy i can see why they are being involved.

    my parents broke up when i was 4 and i never heard off my dad until i was 18. up until then i had planned to kill him. turns out all i had heard about him wasnt exactly true, but i managed to get my parents to talk. their break up lead to me and my sister going into care and my brother being lied to about his entire life. this sounds cold, but the kids would be better of in care. its better to be away from situations like this. just if you do see the kids again, dont talk bad about their mother even if its true. they will be having a hard time as it is. right now just be there for your brother. he needs you.
  6. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    When did I say Abuse was involved?