I just came back from the doctor. I am being forced to have an MRI, which I don't want, since I am TERRIFIED. Unfortunately, when I tried using Ativan for it in the past, even before my tolerance to Ativan built up, the fucking pills never worked for the MRI, but would work for the dentist. I said that I did not want the MRI but the doctor said that I had not had one in three years and they wanted to see if any change in my shunt, but EVERY SINGLE MRI I HAVE HAD SO FAR HAS LOOKED THE EXACT SAME, NO CHANGE, SO WHY THE FUCK DO THEY WANT TO PUT ME THROUGH THIS, EVEN AFTER I SAID NO AND EXPLAINED HOW ALL OTHER MRIS LOOKED THE SAME, I AM NOT HAVING ANY PROBLEMS SINCE I LAST SEEN HIM, BUT I AM BEING FORCED TO HAVE IT DONE ANYWAY. Then I was told that if I don't have it done they can get it appealed in court for me to do it. WTF. It definitley seems like my body is just government property, since I have no say in what I don't want done to it. And, something I noticed: Killing is illegal. If you kill someone, you can get the death penalty (if you are in the United States). But if you kill yourself and fail, you get put into a hospital. That just reinforces the idea that our bodies are property of the government, and aren't really our own. I may have sounded immature for saying that, but that is what it seems to be, given the fact that it feels like I have no say in my life.