I don't know what to say. It feels so weird posting here after so long, but idle time wasted for something to suddenly make everything better hasn't come. I have a million mixed emotions, but to put it into words would be a waste of time. I know suicide is an irrational plan, it's an irrational thought, but when you're left with nothing else to do how do you respond? You don't have time to think and when you lack the time you lack the insight. I can't handle relationships because I don't understand the proper emotions to feel, I don't know if I'm really feeling what I'm feeling or if I'm just lying to myself so I'm not alone. I don't know how to say no, because I cling to people as if my life depended on it (And it does, the second I'm actually alone that's it.) I'm not ready to be an adult, I'm not ready to continue working, continue responsibilities. I can't handle the past and I certainly can't handle the present. I feel so alone and It's hard to tell someone how I'm feeling because I can't describe it. Everything has tugged at me in every which way and I'm just about to be done with everything. I just wish I wasn't so weak.