it has gotten too hard

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Starlite, Apr 2, 2009.

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  1. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Several years ago before my mom died, I was doing good, no suicidal thoughts, was very helpful to others. I had the depression but i coped well. since mom has died two years ago, something inside me has changed, has died and i don't know how to get it back and it is making me feel like i want to lay down and scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What has happened to that person who always always always done things for others, always was there no matter what...what has become of the person i liked inside! Where have I gone to and most of all how do i get her back!

    :huh:
     
  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Karren I know full well how much you miss your Mum and how tough you are finding things at the moment. What you must realize though is that she is still there with you in your memory and in your heart. She would have wanted the best for you and would have wished for you to live and prosper after she passed on. I know it's hard but you must do all you can to allow that wish of hers to be fulfilled. Always here for you and alwats will be. You know you are a dear friend to me. As always love and best wishes, Simon. :hug:
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    She is still there hun!!! You just cant seem to see her. But myself and other members see her everyday. If it isnt through the help and care and support you offer us then through the caring words you post to others. That also carries through to RL hun. And I suspect you see that. Loosing your Mom is difficult and grieving and depression can take so many different forms. And shutting yourself down to a degree is one of them. You start doing less and less of the things that make you feel good or that take a great deal of your time. Like helping others. Somehow you start narrowing done the scope of people that you are willing to help. And soon it becomes a select number of people that you know quite well so it isnt so taxing having to learn new things about new people. Karren please believe someone that is on the outside looking in. And what I see is a very helpful, caring, sincere and huge hearted person. Dont beat yourself up over what you think you see. Take some time hun to rest and gather yourself up again. But please dont ever doubt that you are the type of person that you can be proud of and can hold your head high among others.
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Karren why don't you visit her grave sight and just sit there and talk to her.. I know she will be listening.. Maybe take her some fresh flowers..In native american beleifs if you write down your thoughts and then burn them the smoke will carry your words to the spirit world where your loved one will receive them..You are a very caring person so don't ever think you are not..Take care!!
     
  5. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Thank you , i wish i saw when you did, but i see someone who has hidden deep inside myself and is gone and buried somewhere! I try to make myself believe that im still caring and loving and all that but truth is, at the end of the day, im still dead on the inside with no chance of being brought back among the living!

    I want it to change, i want to be there where i was again, who doesn't? all those questions, could have , would have, should have, If ONLies!

    hugs to each of you!
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We all go through times when we feel lost...it is how we get back that counts...I know you are very valuable and cared for here at SF...have you sought help to process what you need to reclaim your feelings of safety and comfort? maybe short term treatment may help...please feel free to PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs, J
     
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    That person is still inside you, perhaps waiting for the right moment to come out again.
     
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