It hurts so much to talk about it

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lav11, Apr 24, 2014.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    **trigger** **rant**

    I have a long history of childhood sexual abuse. I've always figured talking about what has happened but every time I try to talk about it I shut down... I either have a panic attack ir put my head down and can't find any words to say.. I know I'm still young so there is still plenty of time to recover but I'm really starting to feel like I'm never going to recover from this.

    I talked about it to my counsellor, a good 30 minutes before I shut down... My counsellor said "you were exploited.." And i just freaked..I just can't handle things like that.. I feel so horrible admitting it what happened... I felt like I had just been stabbed... It hurts so much to talk about these things. I feel like I should just give up because it causes so much pain trying to recover..

    I don't know what to do anymore.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You take small steps you work at YOUR pace ok go slow and when the pain starts to over ride you then you use coping skills like breathing or looking around you to ground you
    It is hard hun but you will get through it ok you will
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Stick with it.
    I too was abused as a child and had buried the secret so deep that I had even blocked memories of it from my self.
    I found it so hard to speak of that, I once fled my therapists room rather than be overwhelmed by the memories.
    However, stick with it, I got there, I healed, you can too.
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    If you feel ready to talk again, then hopefully slow and without any comments from whoever you confide in, wull be good for you.
  5. deathangel101

    deathangel101 Well-Known Member

    i was sexually abused as a kid for 5 years by my adopted father and brother it has been 8 years since i told and was put into fostercare and even now it still hurts me to talk about it not only becuase it was someone who i thought loved me and would protect me but my mother didnt believe and she still doesnt i have anxiety attacks that are so bad i black out and don't realize im having them one time i tried to kill myself during one of them and didnt realize it until my foster grabbed me and tried to stop me...this scares me very much but i realized i can tlk about the abuse til im blue in the face to someone but what really helps is when i talk to people who have been through the same thing and know exactly how i feel they don't have to give that sypathetic look or anything becuase they know how it is...what im trying to say is there are days where i can talk about it and be fine but then there are others where i break and can bare the pain but we have to stick through the pain its the only way to make it better!
  6. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Hello Iav
    Don't give up, whatever you do, don't give up! You've done so well speaking to a counsellor and this pain that your feeling is all part of the healing process. It won't be easy to talk about it, of course it won't! Its something that has affected your life, very personal and something that you just don't tell anybody. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but stay strong okay? Feel free to pm me or VM me anytime if you want to talk :hug:
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