I hate it. All of it, I hate feeling depressed and suicidal all the time, I wan't to cry all the time and it hurts me so badly. I told my mom and dad that I was feeling suicudal and hearing voices again, and then an hour later they called me and they said " wo don't know what to do anymore, we don't know how to help. We may have to send you somewhere." When they said that I knew they meant a mental home, I could see it in their faces. I can't go there! I WON'T! I'll kill myslef if I have to! I don't want to spend my life in a mental home! THAT HAPPENED TO MY MOM! Nothing ever works. I need a gun. Or something certan to work for killing yourself. Jumping out of a window? Hanging? Drowning? :'( I hate this, I hate being me. Hate being a freak. Freak. Fat. Ugly. Annoying. A mistake. Unwanted. Unloved. The worst one is, i'm still alive! I think maybe I am menatally ill. Fucked up in the head. Fucked up. Fucked up. Fucked up.