It hurts so much!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by point-less, Oct 10, 2010.

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  1. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    I hate it. All of it, I hate feeling depressed and suicidal all the time, I wan't to cry all the time and it hurts me so badly.

    I told my mom and dad that I was feeling suicudal and hearing voices again, and then an hour later they called me and they said " wo don't know what to do anymore, we don't know how to help. We may have to send you somewhere."
    When they said that I knew they meant a mental home, I could see it in their faces.
    I can't go there! I WON'T! I'll kill myslef if I have to!
    I don't want to spend my life in a mental home! THAT HAPPENED TO MY MOM!
    Nothing ever works. I need a gun. Or something certan to work for killing yourself. Jumping out of a window? Hanging? Drowning?
    :'( I hate this, I hate being me. Hate being a freak.
    A mistake.
    The worst one is, i'm still alive!
    I think maybe I am menatally ill. Fucked up in the head.
    Fucked up. Fucked up. Fucked up.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi point-less, stay calm. You're just going through a storm right now. It will pass. Maybe you can go to the hospital, where you can rest and heal. Or maybe you can pray, eat well, get enough sleep and be kind to yourself, if you stay at home. Also, see a counselor and therapist. If you are tired, let someone help you. If you are frustrated and agitated get some medication to calm you down.
    But you know yourself that killing yourself cannot be the answer.
    This pain too will pass away.:pinkrose:
  3. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    They won't give me any medication :( they think i'm going to attepmt to overdoes on it and they say I don't need it that I will be fine :(
  4. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    What do YOU think would help the most at this point? What do you need?

    I hear so much pain in what you wrote and so much self hate. It also sounds like you are in crisis and just want some one to care and to help. How can your parents or anyone else help you the most right now?

    Please keep talking to us. Hopefully we can find a way to make things less painful for you.
  5. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    I don't know what can help because I don't know the cause of my depression but something is triggering.
    I'm just going to try and keep my mind occupied and try and find things that will continously make me happy. I know that sounds easier than done but it won't hurt giving it a try right?
    Thank you x
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I think trying to feel better is always worth it. If you can find someone you feel connected to, it sometimes helps lessen the pain. Please don't give up.
  7. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    I try to do that but the person i'm most close to lives in Coventry :( so it's suckish
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