it hurts to exist

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meeko1004, Mar 22, 2011.

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  1. meeko1004

    meeko1004 Well-Known Member

    I am just tired.
    I don't think there's any other word that can more aptly describe me right now.
    I'm so tired. of life. of everything. all I want to do is rest.
    and I'm sick of people telling me what to do to feel better. to be happy.
    I'm too tired to even want to be happy anymore.
    Don't they get it? They tell me to just WANT to be happy.
    I don't want anything anymore. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to in the future. I can't see anything in my future. and i can't see how any of this will change a few years from now. this is just how i am. how i've been. there is no reason to any of this.
    I am so sick of people patronizing me and telling me to do this or that, when the truth is they don't have much of a clue about what to do about my depression either.
    I am just so sick and tired I could just die.
    All I want is to die. to not wake up. to press the reset button.
    but i can't because i can't do that to my parents.
    sometimes i almost resent them - for not letting me go. for needing me to stay alive. by protecting them, my pain is their relief.
    i just don't understand how much longer i have to go through this before i can just go.
    it hurts too much to exist.
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that it is pretty common for people to lose even the desire to get better.

    I hope that somehow things can get better
     
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :mhmm: If you are tired take a nap. If you cannot see where you are going see the now and enjoy it.

    I know all about the stress of life getting to you. One thing I do is go camping. I find a camp ground drive up there and take my DS..es... I leave my phone at home and go deep into the woods.

    Another way I managed to rest up, I stopped trying to accomplish so much. I thought about what was most important too me and put forth more effort into those few things.
     
  4. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I can understand where you are coming from. I hope things can maybe improve for you. Like previously stated, just try and do what you can or need to. Don't try to over exert yourself. Maybe give yourself rewards for making it through each day. I know you said you don't like people patronizing you how to get better and I can understand that you may feel no hope or desire to be better. Hope I wasn't too patronizing. Take care. Keep posting. People are here and listening.
     
  5. MsMoonshine

    MsMoonshine New Member

    I feel exactly the same way. Almost to the letter. You put my exact thoughts at the moment into words.
     
  6. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    It does hurt to exist!!! So much, I too wish people would just understand. Maybe, if they would just leave me alone, I could finally end this misery!!!kmj221 PM if you want to talk.
     
  7. NaomiP

    NaomiP Member

    I know exactly what you mean, people always telling you to be happy, when you don't even know what happiness means.

    Its easier said but give yourself time.
     
  8. meeko1004

    meeko1004 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, guys.
    I needed to hear those words.
     
  9. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Bingo. If it weren't for my parents, I'd have offed myself a long time ago. Guilt keeps me alive when I feel the impulse. Both my parents have insinuated that they would kill themselves if I were to do it.
     
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