Living with and facing the death of a loved one is hard. When you combine that with the death being a suicide it seems so many questions remain unanswered. Often time we tend to blame ourselves because we didn't recognize the signs or we didn't stop it. Although these feelings are normal, they are not true. You can't stop the way you feel, but you can change the thought process that makes you feel that way. No one makes the choice of suicide but the person that does it. In the end, no matter what we do or don't do, the choice still lies in their hands. You are in no way responsible for the choices she made. Those survivng are left at home to grieve and feel the pain and the emptiness that is now left in your life. You need to find a way to be a peace with her death. Maybe start a tradition in her memory. Think of all the happy times you had together and when you start thinking negative things replace it with one of those happy times. Eventually you will not have the sad thoughts as often. They never go away because we mourn for ourselves at the loss of someone we loved, but the severity and length of time lessens. Please don't follow in her footsteps. Your family needs you. :hug: