Well school just started for me this Tuesday and the typical nervous anxiety the night before school happened. In my first class i was sweating so much and i could barely breathe because i felt so clauster phobic. I was embaressed again on the first day as usual because i have such an awkward name (angelo) in real life and my last name and some people laughed. I don't want to be like this but anything better always ends up actually worse, this is what caused that stupid topic i made in the positive messages forum. sorry again. Well, not only did the first day suck i felt like i was invisible. My friends don't really make me feel better but more of worse because they just bash me, so they are pretty fucking useless. I feel like a freak. But that isn't the main problem, im used to all that, its just when i was entering one of my classes, the girl that really broke my heart 2 years ago ( i have old posts about her) was actually in the class and she sits 2 seats up from me. I noticed her and she noticed me and she kept staring but i couldn't make myself look but i noticed her staring. During the rest of that class and the rest of my day I couldn't concentrate right or seem to be motivated to do any work. I keep thinking about her beautiful hair which is all i restrained myself from looking at of her from behind. The whole summer i've been trying to forget her and move on with my life but now after all i can't even pretend i dont care. I am afraid of looking at her in the eyes because I know it will hurt so much but i have a side of me that wants to but i know she doesn't care anymore, and she was the only one. Now all i do once i get home is cry (yes its pathetic) which i am doing right now. I feel so hollow and empty inside and i can't seem to eat or sleep right. I don't know what to do but cry because everytime i see her in that one class my whole day gets messed. And it hurts so much inside.