It hurts.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Angelo_91, Sep 4, 2008.

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  1. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Well school just started for me this Tuesday and the typical nervous anxiety the night before school happened. In my first class i was sweating so much and i could barely breathe because i felt so clauster phobic. I was embaressed again on the first day as usual because i have such an awkward name (angelo) in real life and my last name and some people laughed.

    I don't want to be like this but anything better always ends up actually worse, this is what caused that stupid topic i made in the positive messages forum. sorry again.

    Well, not only did the first day suck i felt like i was invisible. My friends don't really make me feel better but more of worse because they just bash me, so they are pretty fucking useless. I feel like a freak.

    But that isn't the main problem, im used to all that, its just when i was entering one of my classes, the girl that really broke my heart 2 years ago ( i have old posts about her) was actually in the class and she sits 2 seats up from me. I noticed her and she noticed me and she kept staring but i couldn't make myself look but i noticed her staring. During the rest of that class and the rest of my day I couldn't concentrate right or seem to be motivated to do any work. I keep thinking about her beautiful hair which is all i restrained myself from looking at of her from behind. The whole summer i've been trying to forget her and move on with my life but now after all i can't even pretend i dont care. I am afraid of looking at her in the eyes because I know it will hurt so much but i have a side of me that wants to but i know she doesn't care anymore, and she was the only one. Now all i do once i get home is cry (yes its pathetic) which i am doing right now. I feel so hollow and empty inside and i can't seem to eat or sleep right. I don't know what to do but cry because everytime i see her in that one class my whole day gets messed. And it hurts so much inside.
     
  2. Titus17

    Titus17 New Member

    I'm sorry to hear all that man, but when I get all nervous in school and start to sweat I try to concentrate just on breathing, it seems to help. As far as that girl goes she must be feeling something if shes staring at you, right? I think you should confront her about it and see how she feels. The worse thing that could happen is she tells you what you already think.
     
  3. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    i dont know if i can, too much has happened in the past two years. i havent talked to her since last september and the last thing i told her was to never talk to me again because she had a bf and it really felt like she led me on or maybe it was just my sensitivity to affection... Right now things are so awkward between us and i know inside she doesnt really care for me, in the same way i care for her.

    maybe its fate that i was put in her class, a test of life to see how i handle it and find my way to cope, thanks titus for ur response.
     
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