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It is all TOO hard again

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I was starting to feel relatively reasonable. Thought that maybe I could go on living and get to feeling okay again.

Well my husband who has never in all our married lives trusted me, that is HIS problem, I can even remember when our baby was not even 12mths old he went off and had the lovely comeback "how can I guarantee that I am the father anyway", now that is a moment of many that I CAN NEVER FORGET!

Went into town to the doc and do some chores. Get home, pass him the mail, (we have a post office box) and he says "is this ALL the mail", I said to him if he has so little trust in me to even give him ALL the mail then why not get it himself.

Then, just to add insult to an extremely injured psyche, he kisses me goodbye, he is on nightshift, and says "you have been smoking again", NO I HAD NOT, a girlfriend and I had been sat on a bench seat DOWNWIND from people smoking. I have had the odd smoke and HE thinks HE has the right to say WHAT I am ALLOWED to do ALL the time.

Before he went, after that comment, I said to him, "do you want me to start signing a stat dec each time I have been out, I will call in the cop shop and get one for you".

I have just gone and slashed my arms again, BECAUSE I WILL NOT CRY because of HIM. I have promised myself I will NEVER EVER CRY AGAIN, I have shed too many tears over the years.

I HAVE to get OUT of here.
aww i know what it feels like, havin someone standin in your back n watching everything you do... i hope youre feelin better after writing it down :) if you ever wanna talk, feel free to pm me

take care


Staff Alumni
I am so sorry you chose to hurt yourself...you deserve a voice, one which speaks to your intergrity and caring...please talk to someone who will help you find a way to get beyond this cycle...PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs
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