It is always about a girl. (or about a guy but u get my point)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Billymac, Mar 5, 2009.

  1. Billymac

    Billymac New Member

    I think the one thing I didn't lose in the suffering of this break up
    is my sense of humor. The rest, I lost it all.

    It will be a long story but I think here people will not skip the details
    of such a story.

    First some information.
    Evelyn lived 3.5 hours (per train) away from me.

    It all started in 2005 on a LiveJournal Community website where there was a new applicant for the Community. It was Evelyn. It was a community for "handsome" people but the to be very honest, Evelyn was the only one u could consider to be pretty. Couple of months later I told her that I wanted to meet her in person cause we had a great time on msn and on the phone. So we met up and became my girlfriend. She was 14 at the time and I was 15. We were going strong for 3.5 years (We always say its 4 years cause from the moment I saw her on that community I was sold.) untill she went to University. She had to travel 4 hours every day to get to her Uni and back to her home. She had too much things going on at the same time so she said she couldn't have a boyfriend with her there. We broke up a month before new years eve (2008-2009). We already had plans for new years eve and we even had tickets to see this comedian in January. In the beginning of December she told me that she didn't want to see me at new years even cause she thought that was too soon. Two days before new years even she called me up and said she wanted me at the new years eve party. The party was great. We slept together (Yes, only sleeping no sexing.) and the next morning I made her some breakfast and did her part of the cleaning up bit. She told me that I shouldn't get any hope but that she considered last night as amazing, and yet again she told me not to get my hopes up. So this year started hopeless for me and I didn't know what to do. That day I meet a girl called Charlotte and knowing (Cause Evelyn said it herself.) that Evelyn and myself weren't getting back together any time soon I asked Charlotte out on a date. January 2nd I went on that date and during the date Evelyn text messages me saying she missed me. I didn't know what to do but what I was doing at that time was getting my hopes back up. Kind of obvious I got my hopes back up through such a text message. At the 25th of January Evelyn and me were going to the comedian we had those tickets for. But she called me up and said that she thought it was probably best if we didn't go cause she couldn't sleep next to someone else's boyfriend. I told her that Charlotte was only a nice girl. A fun girl. Nothing serious. Still she decided to blow the whole thing off. I gave her the tickets so she could see the show with someone she wanted to take. 2 weeks ago she finally got her apartment in the city she studies in. So she invited me for a sleepover. After giving her a kiss goodnight she asked me if I'd fancy a f*ck. No string attached. No feelings. If I could do that. So she was worried about me getting all soggy and sobbing. In the middle of uhm business she started to cry so I got off of her (really sound very unromantic but since my English isn't that good I don't know how to express it differently) and asked her if everything was okay. She cried that it wasn't and that was thinking of me and Charlotte the whole time. I told her that Charlotte was nothing to me and that she had to believe me on that since I also told her that when she asked about Charlotte. The next morning I dropped her off at Uni and she said she had fun and we should do it again soon. I have been ignored ever since.

    Since November the longest I have slept is 4 hours. I have lost 20 kg's. I cry myself to "sleep" every night. It's not that this is just a broken heart. But I just lost -and I am confident in saying this cause I believe in it- my true love. I will probably be getting some "Your too young to know if she is the one." and "There are more fish in the sea" comments cause I have been hearing them everyday.

    I just don't know what to do. I f'ed up with Charlotte. At least that's what Evelyn tells me. But she told me several times to stop hoping to telling me weeks later that I should have been hoping cause she still felt something.
    Was she screwing with my head? Was she also confused? These last couple off months after the break up have been hell. Anyone who knows me knows what a pain in the ass I can be. Always jumping around being busy. But now I wake up with no passion whatsoever. I can't function. I've become a lazy worthless guy.

    This has been one of the many setbacks in my life. I just don't know if I still
    want this life. If was sure there was a thing such as reincarnation I wouldn't even be here on this forum. (Might be but then in the other life that sucked aswell?) Is it worth it?

    AAARGH. (I really didn't scream there cause if I did I would have woken up U guys on the other side of the earth.

    If u guys think:"What is this guy on about.." I don't blame U cause I always
    lose track writing stuff. But since this is the Throw it all out section I just did.
     
  2. yeahmayb

    yeahmayb Antiquitie's Friend



    Hey,
    Well, first of all you are not crazy, you are not to young to know, and none of that stuff.

    Your going to have to figure out 1. what makes you happy 2. follow what does make you happy and not let go.

    It is hard as crap to figure out what makes you happy, but every day get up and try. If you have it and you loose it, assess where it went, and look at if it is still making you happy, and if the work involved to get it back is more pain or work than the happiness you got out of it.

    It is very hard. I have a few years on you, and it seems everytime I find it it escapes my grips due to the curveballs I am thrown in life.

    Hang in there, and know, you are worth finding happiness.
     
  3. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    niet zo naar andere luisteren en je er niet door laten beinvloeden

    wat wil jij? los van wat kan en wat de rest wil, gewoon puur; wat wil jij?

    wat is het beste voor jou?