I have fought the urges for years but I think I am too tired to fight much longer. Been through numerous medication regimine changes and I am functional but I am not "me". I hate what I am. People from the outside see me and see a trained professional with a " fulfilling" job and a bright future. I look and see someone's whose truly biggest accomplishment is not having killed myself. I am getting everything in line now. I need to know my mom and brother are taken care of financially. I have made sure my wife will be taken care of. That pretty much checks off all the boxes of things to do for others- all it leaves is what I have to do for myself-ending this nightmare. If my family reads this later know that it will be quick, it will be painless and I will finally be at peace. I accept the selfishness of this act and I just hope you can forgive me when you weigh it against the good I have done.