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It is getting closer....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scott6647, Nov 18, 2014.

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  1. Scott6647

    Scott6647 New Member

    I have fought the urges for years but I think I am too tired to fight much longer. Been through numerous medication regimine changes and I am functional but I am not "me".

    I hate what I am. People from the outside see me and see a trained professional with a " fulfilling" job and a bright future. I look and see someone's whose truly biggest accomplishment is not having killed myself.

    I am getting everything in line now. I need to know my mom and brother are taken care of financially. I have made sure my wife will be taken care of. That pretty much checks off all the boxes of things to do for others- all it leaves is what I have to do for myself-ending this nightmare.

    If my family reads this later know that it will be quick, it will be painless and I will finally be at peace. I accept the selfishness of this act and I just hope you can forgive me when you weigh it against the good I have done.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No Scott6647, you are important and I implore you not to do anything as life is important. You are not the only one suffering from such feelings. Your mum and brother would truly miss you and you must realise. I implore you not to do anything as you are important to us. We will help you get through this tough time and please remember that. You are important, PLEASE KEEP POSTING AND LET US HELP YOU. DO NOT DO ANYTHING.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Scott, I can tell from your post you care for your wife and family very deeply you say you're trying to sort out finance for them, it is possible that it won't make them feel any better, they will have lost their loved one and you sound like such a caring guy scott. It does not have to end here. I wish you all the best :hug:
    Keep fighting those urges. I think it's worth another go to restart on medicine, there are so many and it can take a long time to find the right one. Please do not give up fighting this battle, I know it all too well, it's like we're fighting the enemy and when the enemy makes a sly move and moves further you attack those thoughts. Sometimes we are our worst own enemies,

    best of luck to you scott x
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I will say it outright you will destroy your family you will take them down with you as you will just pass your pain and sadness onto them Financially they won't give a dam really and they to will follow in your footsteps You can beat the depression you can win if you reach out to the right doctors the right therapist you can beat the beast
    Talk to your family let them see how you are struggling so you can get their support as well. The will always wonder why you did not reach out to them why you did not care enough to tell them how you are truly feeling
  5. Scott, I sent you a private message. Please let me know you received it. Please please take care sweetie.
    Remember, you matter
  6. fishman

    fishman Member

    Do you want to be admired or just remembered. It is up to you. Fight through this and be admired by those who love you. Be that beacon of hope. Be there for your loved ones like you would want them there for you.
  7. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel SF Supporter

    Nicely put, fishman.
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