It is too much of a contradiction for me trig

[kath]

The more i know where others would say i should perhaps increasingly medically be the more of a contradiciton that very action feels to me.It gets harder.Not easier.The more i know i need to be there th harder it gets to even think about it cos it is a direct contradiction to me.The more i may nned dto be there physically does not change things emotionally.In fact its worse if i can actuallly see i have MORE OF A NEED to be there than ive ever had previously.It makes it further away cos of what im doing.Just any need to be there makes it further away.Considering it or listening to others suggesti ng it was hard for me but if theres actually a need now then it has to be further away.A real need to be there makes it feel harder not just to suicide.

Sorry this may not make sense to others.It fits my situation.

 

[Ignored]

Sorry Kath, you've lost me! :huh:

 

[blackfire]

Kath

I would like to help. What do you exactly mean though?

 

[kath]

Hi everyone sorry but just read the responses to this thread.Sorrymany would see me as just as in my own world at the moment.i understand your not understanding!Please ignore me.i will try and explain what i meant more on this thread later but cant do it now as i have to go out and ive promised myself [for the sake of another person] i wont be late for a change so ive got to go now.Be back later ansd soorry.

Take care
kath

 

[kath]

And i see a psycharist today and i do not know what ot say.It is important.

 

[kath]

Those who know my story with the tablets what i was trying to say above is that others feel medically that maybe i need to ne in the hospital cos of what ive done and my health is and the more the perhaps i can understand that as perhaps a medical need i have still the much further away does the hospital seem as a pplace to go to,cos it is more of a contradicion now to my end.Its a bit like if im hurting myself to a significant extent then i definitely cant go cos there is more of a medical need to go.The more realistic the possibility of my suicide becomes or the more i succeed in harming myself the further away the hospital seems.It just does not fit.It is too far away im sorry.

 

[kath]

That probably wont make sense to you all either.Ignore it if you like!!!i probably shouldnt have put it up theere but writing it out helps me to become clear within myself what i mean too.And that is what i mean.Sorry if you dont understand it.i cannot put it slearer.That is my fault.im wafffling and probably not very clear.My situation is just a bit odd in some respects and that makes it hard to explain.i dont often do a good job of that.Sorry.Take care allkath

 

[consciousinsane]

Hope things are going ok for you Kath. I don't understand all of what your trying to say, but I think I get some of it. And it's good to write things down, even if no one understands. It helps me to actually see what is bothering me. sometimes I'll even write something, then as soon as I'm done I'll delete it. Does no good for anyone else, but it does help yourself.

Provided I understand right.....

Going to the hospital seems so far away because your trying to merge your mind with reality. For some people that can be like dissolving oil in water. If you go to the hospital, then it becomes real. It's no longer just in your mind. Your scared of what it means. I think it's a natural human trait that the worse your problem is, the further away the help. If you need the help then you are going to have to make yourself go.

I hope this helps at least a little.