The more i know where others would say i should perhaps increasingly medically be the more of a contradiciton that very action feels to me.It gets harder.Not easier.The more i know i need to be there th harder it gets to even think about it cos it is a direct contradiction to me.The more i may nned dto be there physically does not change things emotionally.In fact its worse if i can actuallly see i have MORE OF A NEED to be there than ive ever had previously.It makes it further away cos of what im doing.Just any need to be there makes it further away.Considering it or listening to others suggesti ng it was hard for me but if theres actually a need now then it has to be further away.A real need to be there makes it feel harder not just to suicide.
Sorry this may not make sense to others.It fits my situation.
Sorry this may not make sense to others.It fits my situation.
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