it is what it is

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aqua, Oct 25, 2013.

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  1. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I am crazy , that's what it is and its too much to go through, the only solution to my madness is suicide
     
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    No Aqua suicide is not the only answer!!!! Suicide is no answer!!! It is nothing.. Your body just rotting away is what it is!!! Never getting any better.. Never experiencing encounters with people.. Seeing all the beauty of our planet earth..

    Better to scream loudly at your psych professionals help me now, PLEASE, I want to get to better shape so I can start enjoying life some now!!! Like I said to you other day, this is possible for just about everyone with some help and self effort!!! Even you hon..

    My autistic, nonverbal son Johnny turns 37 next week..early yrs were very difficult for our family..with some help and efforts by us things are a ton better for Johnny, his mom and me.. Don't give up and tell me this will never happen for me.. That is bull shit!!! And just not trying..

    Ball's in your court now Aqua..up to you..best wishes only!!! Jim and Johnny
     
  3. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I am trying I have called every day to see the doctor i am trying , thank for the best wishes , glad you made it through glad your son is doing well, these voices tell me a lot of things , iI believe you know what its like JImk,
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Aqua, The voices can be gotten rid of with the right meds. There are people who can prescribe the right meds. Jim is right, suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. Because now that it is way out of control you are going to finally get the medications that will manage this. And the help to start getting better.

    Please do not let these voices win. You deserve better than that. And those voices should not be able to win. If death was an answer. I would be dead now. Also, i have said it before. So you know what I am saying. I believe that when you get this under control and start to rebuild your life, you will come across people who are in the same position. you will be able to help them ONLY because you have been there. You know what it is like. AND you know that you got the right medications and were able to beat this thing. aka manage it. If you die, then those future people will not have someone to reach their hand out to them.

    A pdoc once told me that someday I would be able to pay it forward. To help others because of what i went through. I didnt know if I ever would be able to do that. But she is right. The intense suffering and pain made me able to help others who needed a hand. And I know all too well what that suffering felt like. It made me able to help. If you die. you deny yourself and others the gift of that. I hope my words make some sense.

    You are NOT crazy. The voices thoughts etc do make you feel like are. But you are not crazy. You have a condition that is horriffic right now. And you will get stabalized on medication. yes. :hug:
     
  5. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I am just so tired of the bad thoughts, the emptiness and loneliness and the bad nightmare i am in, i hate myself for many reasons, i
    hate not being able to communicate with others or relate to others, its just a dark life a empty and lonely one, i often feel others are afraid
    of me, i wish suicide wasn't temporary i wish i could die but then come back with things different, that may sound stupid.
     
  6. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    you are right Jimk the balls in my court its up to me, I have decided,
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Aqua, there is treatment for what you are expereincing. I have seen it for so many people who have schizophrenia. I hope you will not decide to eliminate that possiblity. Because the world needs people who have gotten treatment and can help other people by letting them know there is hope.
     
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    aqua, how are you doing today? I am thinking of you. let me know here, or in pm please. lots of :hug: s for you
     
  9. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    Hi flowers, just thinking a lot about things, afraid, sad confused, lonely, trying to make out heads or tails.
     
  10. my own enemy

    my own enemy Member

    hi aqua,

    I've read your post and I wont even think about pretending to know how you feel and all that blablabla... I just want to tell you that I know a few ppl with schizophrenia, or schizophrenia combined with other mental illnesses... and I know some ppl who were downright batshit-crazy ;-) The point is: there are treatments. you CAN get through this. knowing what causes this (voices in your head?) means you've won half the battle. It wont be easy, it wont happen over-night and you wont be the next president of the USA, but you CAN have a life worth living. Keep that in mind.
     
  11. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I appreciate your response, it is a battle, so tormenting at times, the mind just wont shut up, I am trying to ignore the thoughts of suicide and the other
    things the voices are telling me , the paranoia, the depression lingers, I feel I am batshit-crazy, it is driving me insane, thank you for the encouragement
     
  12. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    i have been trying to see the reason to live, I have tried to fight these thoughts but I can t anymore, sitting here alone
    cutting till i get to the veins, feeling so alone , a outcast, hated and despised, such a bad person i am there is no reason
    to live i will do my family a loud of good if i did pull the trigger, and those who know me will be free of dealing with me,
    it is what it is i was destined to die alone.
     
  13. my own enemy

    my own enemy Member

    I don't know you or the details of your life. All I know is what I can read in your posts. And what I read is that the schizophrenia is making you a person you don't want to be. But there are treatments for that. That's all I can tell you...
     
  14. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    thank you for the encouragement,
     
  15. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Aqua, I am so so so relieved though that you are going to the doctor on Monday. You have been so strong and brave going this alone. Until you could get help. As you know, this is something that is impossible to deal with alone. It takes a lot of professional help. And the right meds. But that can be done. I know you can get the help you deserve. I iknow it. And then you can live life again. But with a new ability to be able to help others who are suffering from the same thing. Just as Jim can do. Only those who have first hand expereince can really be believed on some level. So your recovery is important for more reasons than you can imagine. :hug:

    Please make sure to keep that dr appointment on Monday. No mattter what the voices say. No matter what the obstacles. And please trust him. No matter what the voices say. Please be honest. Bring a list of things that are happening. And remember, what we resist persists. Be honest. So you can get the help you so very dearly deserve. I care lots !!!!! :hug:
     
  16. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    it has been a battle, not sleeping and fighting the urges to go through with it, its been hard, I feel I have not gone through it alone in a way because you have been here helping me flowers, and Jimk, and cheerfulfawn and everyone that has posted. the nightmare is continuing on in my head I have cut so much, its insane, I can only hope tomorrow comes fast and the doctor helps me , its going to be a long night, but I am doing all you have suggested.
     
  17. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you sleep well and tomorrow will come faster then
     
  18. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    You are doing everything in your power to get through, Aqua. You are doing a good job. I know its been horriffic. Tomorrow tell the doctor you have to get help now. That you cannot wait another day. yes? :arms: And yes, you are right. I am here for you. along with other people here who honestly care. You are not alone, in a big way. Because we are here. No, we arent here. So you are alone in that way. But you do have us... here. And we do care.
     
  19. aqua

    aqua Banned Member

    I cant wait another day, my head is spinning, the torment continues, cutting, hitting, trying the best i can to not give in , i want this to end thank you flowers and SF for helping me.
     
  20. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    correction in what I said. I wrotre "No, we arent here" what my fingers should have written is "no we arent there I left out the letter T when I wrote it. We are very much here for you. yes.

    I will be sending lots of light love and many other things. already have done it actually. In preperation for your apt. Just know I am thinking of you. I think you have done an awesome job staying alive. Now is time to insist on help. As you know all too well. Dont let him send you home where you have to battle this alone at home one more day. Get the help and medication you need so you can come home and not have to be in the battle for your life. You deserve better than that. :arms:
     
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