"It isn't called controlling your anger... It's called -

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Warrior2089, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    keeping it inside so no one else has to deal with it."

    I've learned this from many times of thinking in my life. I have many times to be alone in silence so I just think. That was one of the things I've come to realize.

    When your parents tell you "stop screaming and control your anger", they aren't wanting you to control your anger. We all know that keeping things inside isn't healthy for you. But that's EXACTLY what they tell you to do, which is why so many people are depressed nowadays. And why would they tell you to do something like that? Because they don't want to have to deal with it.

    Imagine yourself as a parent. Your child is screaming about something and you're really pissed off at him/her. What would you do? Tell them to be quiet and control it. What do kids and people usually do when people tell them to control their anger? They stop talking and keep the anger inside.

    Parents should tell their kids to talk calmly about their anger, not to control it. You control your pets by scolding them when they yell or bark so you don't have to hear them. Same situation with kids. Even though your dog is barking about maybe not having food in his bowl and he's hungry, you force him to keep those feelings inside without even trying to find out what he wants by scolding him. Exact same with how parents do it to their kids.

    I have never heard my parents tell me "calm down and tell me whats going on". It was (now I'm a really quiet and paranoid kid because of it) always "be quiet" or "go to your room". Never wanted to find out what's wrong. Just wanted me to shut the fuck up. They didn't ever tell me to shut the fuck up (not even shut up), but thats what they wanted me to do.

    I've put a lot of serious thought into this. You parents and to-be parents should, too.
     
  2. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Comments? Please?
     
  3. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I am always vacillating between whether it is genetics or upbringing that really determines who someone is. I wonder will we ever have a definitive answer? Anyway I'm never having kids, so I'll be, ah, sure to follow your advice. :)
     
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I agree with you on the thing about not keeping that anger inside. I hate people telling me to shut up. I've had it forever, people silencing me everywhere or patronising me.

    I'd agree with the calm down and tell me what's making you angry. Maybe not the calm down bit, but letting the child know that I hear what is making his/her angry. Maybe that would make the child calm down, because maybe the child doesn't even like the feeling of being so angry- letting them know that their anger is heard and that I'm willing to listen to them might soothe them. Too many people just don't want to hear anger or screams and want children to shut up- i agree with you that this isn't healthy at all and makes people feel like it's all their fault, that their feelings aren't justified, and starts the whole self blame/depression cycle.
     
  5. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I agree to an extent, smashing the kitchen up due to burnt toast is an example of taking your theory too far for e.g...

    But if something has got to you deep enough, go for it, if this person has pissed you off the least you can do is inform them. I often find however, that NOT reacting hurts enemies more.

    For example, I was in a three year relationship, my boyfriend left me for some 15 year old **** who was, politely putting it, a dog. I could have screamed, pucnhed, kicked, hurt them....but I didn't. The biggest kick in the nuts for my ex was him thinking that I was relieved to be rid of him even though it killed me.

    I showed no reaction and took my rage out of the plates in my Mum's kitchen.

    When you try to make out you're having fun, you might just have some! Bizarrely enough those were great times, me going out, them seeing me, them being petrified I would finally crack...me barely batting an eyelid when my ex entered the room, cue him storming off and having a huge argument with said 15 year old slut because I "shouldn't mean that much to him"

    My point is, sometimes anger can be productive, but don't let it be your only means of action.

    Hope you're alright.