it just calls to me

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Brittless, Sep 11, 2016.

  1. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    i've been considering self harming... i never ever thought i would, but lately it just calls to me. there's so much pain, so much hurt that i can't control. and I just want to watch myself hurt, I guess. I don't know how to explain it. My logical adult brain knows it's a bad idea.. but I just can't see how and why. I've heard that it makes people feel a million times worse after the temporary relief from the pain. There's on actual reason. But lately I think why not? Why not? Why shouldn't I? Can anyone give me a reason why this is a bad idea?
     
  2. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    It's a bad idea, since you do only feel relief for maybe 5 secs or so. Then you just feel worse for doing it in the first place, and you still feel like you did before. That's at least how it is for me.
    And it's better to write your thoughts down or draw/paint. Since you can get the same things and pain out in that way, maybe not the exact same. But you can at least get stuff out in a safer way and it'll help more.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    The scars are not worth it hun, I couldn't wear anything long sleeved all summer. I didn't give me relief just made me feel more alive, do the right thing and throw out anything you can hurt yourself with, i am sorry you are feeling so bad but self harm is not going to help.
     
  4. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Thanks for replying Dikta. I do all of these things. I write my heart out. I draw I paint and yet still I get no relief or release from this pain and I just want... to be in control of it if that makes sense.

    That's true Petal. I did not think about the scars. I just don't know how to handle this pain anymore.
     
  5. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm sorry to hear it doesn't help, but I know how it is. But still just don't do it, since in the long run it's not helping at all.
    And it'll get better, you just need to think of something else.

    But have you tried maybe writing something different than usual? Since maybe that'll make you think over something else. Or painting/drawing something specific, bigger paper to draw on etc?
     
  6. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    does it really feel worse afterwards? I can't imagine feeling worse.
     
  7. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Well yes, I at least feel really guilty when I've done it and feel even worse, since I get more sad and depressed, since I know it's not really helping. So I just gave in instead of keep fighting it, when I know it'll get better later.
    So you'll at least not feel better, either the same or feel worse.
    And as Petal wrote, the scars aren't worth it either.
     
  8. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    The release of stress used to be what I was addicted to when I did it. The body releases adrenaline and endorphins to help heal itself and deal with the pain, at least this is how my pdoc described it to me. That feeling of euphoria and relief is short-lived. Besides the scars, I have way too many, it hurts a lot physically once the adrenaline is gone. You have to tend to the cuts to make sure they don't get infected, you can't wear any sleeve (if it's your arms) because they are open wounds, the guilt, the hatred I feel when I look at them. And worse, it becomes addictive. Please don't do it Brittless. Running, jumping jacks or anything highly aerobic will give you that same effect. xx
     
  9. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    I will try not to. I never thought I would feel so low that I'd reach this point where I actually condoned self harm for anyone, let alone myself but I can't see any other way right now. I can't really be highly aerobic but I know what you mean. Other distractions. Other stress release. I don't need anymore self hatred. I just need to escape things for awhile and I don't know how.
     
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  10. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Maybe a really suspenseful or scary movie? If you can concentrate on that...I used to go out for walks or just go out on my balcony or porch to take in the fresh air, any hour of the day just to not do it. Can you get into the kitchen and bake some bread? The kneading actually is a great stress relief.
     
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