It just doesn't stop

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by spooky, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    Had another argument with my husband today. It prevented me from going to my friend's son's birthday party. I spent the whole day in bed. He went to work and now that he's home we're not speaking. I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired of fighting and trying and making concessions and not being able to be myself. Right now I can tell you the only thing that's keeping me from driving off a cliff is that I don't believe in suicide and I wouldn't want to leave my cats. They have kept me from going crazy because I know they love me and need me. I don't know if my marriage is over or not. I don't really care anymore.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    perhaps a time apart would help you some Marriage councilling to see if there can be healing between the two of you I am sorry you are suffering so hugs
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Yeah eclipse might be right. I donno how bad it's been with you guys, sometimes a bit of perspective helps both people in a relationship, because at the end of the day you both matter. You guys sound a bit out of sync with eachother. Is there anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? Might help you find some grounding for yourself, and for eachother :smile:

    I hope you're ok. Best wishes
  4. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    Another big fight with my husband tonight after a really crappy day at work. i told him he needs to decide whether or not he wants to be with me. I told him to think about it. I don't want to make the decision. I love him and I feel terrible things have gotten to this point, that I still want to try but I don't know if he does or not. He gave me no indication one way or another. I just took some Benadryl and a shot of vodka. Now I'm going to bed.

  5. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    OMG huge rant ahead...if anyone actually reads this whole thing I will be eternally grateful!

    I was going to visit my parents back east in late July. I decided to postpone my trip because I need to get my head together before I can deal with my mom. She's a mess. I emailed her and my dad, explained my situation and asked for their respect and support. I also asked for their respect of my privacy, because my mom has a tendency to blab everything about me to everyone in her address book - friends and family alike. For example when I was first diagnosed with depression she told EVERYONE and whatever she said made everyone act like I was a ticking time bomb. It was horrible. My mom is totally NOT going to understand my reasons for not coming as planned and throw a huge hissy fit, making the whole thing all about herself as she always does.

    My husband told me he thought it might help if I gave my parents another date to visit. I thought maybe over Thanksgiving. I knew I probably shouldn't have opened my stupid mouth but I said, "What if we go together? We can visit your mom and then my parents." His mom lives a few hours away from my parents. You should have seen the look on his face. It was like I asked him to pull his right arm off! I know he doesn't want to visit my parents and it's mostly because I don't like his dad and stepmom and haven't seen them in a long time (that's a whole other story). His way of getting back at me is refusing to see my parents (I know, how mature). I said, "I know, you don't want to see my parents." He didn't say anything so I said, "Come on, be honest." His response was, "I'd be bored out of my mind."

    I swear I wanted to throw up. I stopped going with him to see his dad and stepmother because he focuses all of his attention on his dad, leaving me stuck with his stepmother, who has the personality of a brick. I won't even get started on his dad (excuse my language but the man is a complete douchebag and I'm thankful to heaven my husband takes after his mother!). I wanted to say, "Well, then you'll understand what I go through" but I didn't. I couldn't speak. I was so angry. I sat there for a few minutes, then I turned on the TV. He asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said NO.

    I haven't seen my parents in several years because I haven't had the time or money to fly out to see them. My mom's health problems prevent her from taking a long trip. My husband sees his dad and stepmom for EVERY holiday, birthday, mother's day, father's day, what have you. I used to go with him but about a year ago I put my foot down and said NO MORE. He just about had a fit but that was too bad - it's not just that I don't like his family, he doesn't do anything to make me feel better about seeing them. His mom is WONDERFUL - I just love her and would live next door to her. So for one year of not seeing his parents I get multiple years of him not seeing mine, at the time when I'll need him the most. Selfish bastard.

    So, I guess I'm going to have to go see my parents by myself. Hell, I should go see his mom by myself too. He's such an ass.

    Thank you thank you thank you whoever reads this...I have NO ONE else to talk to...