it just gets worse man....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by hondaissace, Jul 20, 2012.

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  1. hondaissace

    hondaissace Member

    My life has been crap since I was in 7th grade, that is 6 years. There has always been too much pressure on me, to perform in studies, kids looking down on me. I worked very hard for the last two years, VERY VERY hard, just to get into a college in the US, across the world from my parents and everyone else in my life. I expected to start afresh, start a new life. I thought maybe I had taken enough shit and now I'll be able to at least enjoy myself in an awesome college. Everything went right, very right. I got lucky, got and immense scholarship( I was among the only 4 international kids who were given a scholarship).
    I asked my dad for the ridiculously low amount of fee the college wanted. He told me he didn't save any money in his ENTIRE LIFE. Now he put me into a CRAP college here close to our home, and I won't even be living there in a hostel, but going by a bus from my house, as if I am in fucking school. I worked sooooooooo hard man...............Now my dad says he will remove the internet connection as it ruins my grades. I am fucking 18 and he wants to control me like a fucking kid. I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy, without any tension, since I was 11. I can't take 4 more years of shit man...... I just can't . I mean I worked so damn hard, made miracles happen, in the hope of escaping my overbearing parents, and it was all for nothing. The fucking college starts in 2 days, and I just don't want it. I promised myself I will kill myself if something like this happened. Now I don't know man, I just love myself too much and don't want to go.... But I can't take this shit man.........just can't. I don't know what to do. I have still not quit, and am applying for student loan, but my father's credit is so bad that no bank is prepared to give. Still, I won't quit. Its not over till its over.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I do know how you feel as I had something similiar happen, although I did get to go away to school...being the proponent of, make the best out of a bad situation, please take what you can from the college you have to go to and remember, after that, your life is yours...yes, the goal is delayed, but please do not ruin your future over it...and yes, don't quit...I am a fat lady (not really but getting there in my older age) and I have not sung!
     
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I had pretty much the exact same thing happen to me at your age. My whole childhood and adolescence, I had planned on going away to college after high school, only to discover at the last minute that my dad had no intentions of paying for it. He had plenty of money to do so, but he felt that I should earn my own way in the world.

    I was fucking PISSED. You have no idea. I had such a horrible childhood, and all I wanted was to finish high school and get out into the world to turn things around, and then he tells me that I wouldn't be going to college after all - mind you, this was after I had already taken the SAT and received letters from multiple universities around the country that wanted me to attend... I was so excited, I had picked out the school I wanted to go to, and approached him to talk about it, and he just fucking shattered all of my dreams so casually... he said "how do you plan to pay for that?" WHAT???? I thought parents were supposed to pay for their kid's education, everyone else I knew was going to college... I didn't even have a part time job, and he expects me to come up with $20,000 a year tuition money along with living expenses??? I was 17 freaking years old for chrissakes... what was I going to do, work at McDonald's for 10 years and put all my paychecks into a piggy bank so that hopefully I could attend college when I was 30?

    That was over 15 years ago, and I'm still pissed about it. I never did go to college. I took some community college courses, but dropped out because it wasn't what I wanted. All of my motivation was gone. Ended up working a lot of crap jobs. But you know what? I'm still here. I make an alright living today. I'm not rich, probably never will be. But that's okay. Could I have done more with my life? Sure. But I realized that in the grand scheme of things, that's not what matters anyway. Money, education, career, status... that's not what life is all about. There are more important things in life. I know it's hard to see that now, and maybe you expected that the right education would bring everything else into place... I thought so too. I thought that I was going to go to a good school, get a good job, then meet a good woman, make a good life for myself and live happily ever after. Well, it didn't work out like that. Life rarely does. But hey, you're already doing better than I was at that age... you say you love yourself, back when I was your age I hated myself. It took me a long time to learn to love myself. Here's the thing - if you're smart enough and ambitious enough, life won't be able to hold you down forever. You'll find a way. This is a temporary setback, an unexpected obstacle in your path... consider it an early life lesson. Things like this will always happen, you will always end up blindsided by shit that you were not prepared for. The true measure of a person is how they deal with these setbacks. You will figure something out, you just have to keep that same determination you put into your schoolwork. Apply that same effort to life, and you will eventually succeed no matter which path you take.
     
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