I feel like a cymbalta commercial. It really just HURTS. I can't see the point any more. I've found success in my life but still I'm empty. Still it isn't enough. Still emtpy. Still finding people that although they love me, find my feelings expendable. I think that those around me could use my resources better than they could use me. My best friend could have my money to help her mom. My employee could have the business so that he and his wife can spend more time together. My boyfriend can have all of the improvements that I've made to his house and not have to put up with me and get to live his life as he pleased. My family would know that I wasn't in pain any more and wouldn't have to bother with me (the little that they do) I see my assets adding more to the world than I do. I'd just run away so no one would have to think of me as 'gone permanently' but then I'd have to take those assets with me. Live in a quiet house by the beach where no one would bother me and I'd bother no one. That is appealing to me - but then I will have helped no one. I just wish I could take the 10 ton weight off of my chest and the pain out of my skin. I know no other way, because no matter what I do, it always come back, they always marginalize me and I'm always reminded of my lack of place in this world.