it just hurts....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hiding, Aug 6, 2007.

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  1. Hiding

    Hiding New Member

    I feel like a cymbalta commercial. It really just HURTS.

    I can't see the point any more. I've found success in my life but still I'm empty. Still it isn't enough. Still emtpy. Still finding people that although they love me, find my feelings expendable. I think that those around me could use my resources better than they could use me. My best friend could have my money to help her mom. My employee could have the business so that he and his wife can spend more time together. My boyfriend can have all of the improvements that I've made to his house and not have to put up with me and get to live his life as he pleased. My family would know that I wasn't in pain any more and wouldn't have to bother with me (the little that they do) I see my assets adding more to the world than I do. I'd just run away so no one would have to think of me as 'gone permanently' but then I'd have to take those assets with me. Live in a quiet house by the beach where no one would bother me and I'd bother no one. That is appealing to me - but then I will have helped no one. I just wish I could take the 10 ton weight off of my chest and the pain out of my skin. I know no other way, because no matter what I do, it always come back, they always marginalize me and I'm always reminded of my lack of place in this world.
     
  2. twilightki

    twilightki Well-Known Member

    You're putting too much value into what people think of you. The value isn't in how much, or what, people care about you, the value is in how much you love yourself. Take it easy, relax for a little while, maybe take some time off of work (if you can afford to do so). Take some time to learn who you are, and to learn to love yourself. You are a wonderful person, full of all kinds of receptor sites...you can do all kinds of things. Just take a deep breathe, and look.:biggrin:
     
  3. Hiding

    Hiding New Member

    I can't separate how I feel about myself and how others feel around me if I am around others. I can only when I am alone. I don't want to live alone, I think. I feel miserable that I am useless to the ones that I care about.
     
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