Well, I'm 22 and have been depressed for the last 10 years. Ok, its probably more but I first cut myself ten years ago. After my boyfriend of 6 years leaving me I have been on a greater self destruct mission than before. A while ago I tried to overdose on pain killers. I did it gradually to avoid the vomitting. I took so many tablets I ended up feeling like my chest was really restricted but not in an unpleasant way. I lay there feeling the greatest happiness I had ever felt because I was sure I had done it. As I drifted off with a very pleasant feeling in a dreamlike state I could hardly move my chest to breathe. I was convinced that was it. The lowest I have ever felt was when I woke up the next morning and instantly burst into tears at the fact I was still alive. I did decide that tablets are a good way to go as you keep some dignity. So I tried again a while later but a mate refused to leave so i couldnt take enough and i just felt awful the next day. Every second I am alive it feels like I am dying anyway so I don't understand why I seem to not be able to. As I write this I have taken some more tablets but not enough to kill..yet. Just enough to try and get some peaceful sleep for a change. I'm just so tired. So tired of it all.