THe light is dim, the darkness unrelenting. Lots of drugs help, but that is only a temporary respite, and probably just a slow death. I am wroking up the courage to od. I am getting closer than I ever thoght possible. IT feesl strangely freeing, less scary, more right somehow.
If drugs help you stay alive that's better than being dead. Just be careful what drugs you use as you can get better and discover you have an addiction that fuels depression.
I hope you can work up the courage to live as working up the courage to die takes more mental effort than it does to live.
As for loneliness, why don't you find someone to share your life with? Easier said than done I know but I'd wager that your being in this world must mean something to others.
If you killed yourself that would set into play a series of events in which people who you might not even have met will be affected in ways that are life altering. I've never known anyone who lost someone to suicide stating that it was all a big relief and everyone was better off without them. People you barely know will be knocked for six. A recent death in my area saw almost a thousand turn out for the funeral. This was of someone who likely though nobody cared. Trust me, any good person is hit hard by even the news of a suicide.
Part of recovery is to be connected with people again via whatever ways you might naturally have an aptitude for. Everyone has some talents that stand them in good stead and part of finding a meaning to live is to be the best you can at what you do.
Also, we feel at out best when, despite the worries of the world, we can make others feel a bit better about things. Hopefully others will do this for us when we need a lift.
No one cares about me, and I don't mean that no on likes me or thinks I am a good person, but no one cares about me in the way that any one bothers to just call and say hi, or how are you? Or wants to do things with me, or helps me when I need someone. I do all the caring for others, but no one sees me, remembers me, or cares if I am in pain. Yes, they will all makes a fuss when I am dead, but it won't be about me being gone , it will still be all about them. no one cares about me. This I know for a fact. I am not a primary person to anyone in this world. I am just on the periphery. I lost two friends to suicide as a teenager, and honestly, I know think they did the right thing. It hurt like hell to lose them, but I now understand their pain, i get why they did what they had to do. I don't blame them at all.
I have lost track of how many weekends I have spent in total aloneness now, I can't take it anymore. A human being can't live alone like this all the time. And, I have tried reaching out, but no one reaches back. I am done trying to "make it better" or "Waiting for things to get better". i don't know what I did to deserve this, but I am done being punished for being born. i did not chose to come into this fucking insane world, but I am choosing to leave it. I don't belong here. It's time to say goodbye to me.
Hi. I've been where you are, i've also tried suicide. Of course it never worked and I am sort of happy about that. Like life right now looks so fu**ing bad, it can look amazing. I NEVER thought it could happen but it can. Yes right now my life sucks again, but thats life. And when you have had crap for so long you cherish the good times. Even if on one cares, we care on here and we hope we can guide you to I better place (might not be perfect). So please hold on. If you want to talk pm me. I have msn and skype.