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It might happen tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A_pixie, May 27, 2008.

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  1. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    What do you do when you find out the love of your life has slept with someone else? When you were sound asleep they were in some girls bed.

    I hate you so much for doing this to me Drew, as if breaking up with me wasn't heart-breaking enough you fucking brag about some girl you banged over myspace...I hope you wake up and think about me in the ground every day for the rest of your life. Yet at the same time I love you so much and would take you back in a heart-beat.

    I've tried relationships after you, I can never love anybody like I loved you. I told you I would die for you, I just didn't think it would be in this way.

    I feel sick thinking about him with someone else and can't live with it. I don't want to do the things I enjoy or enjoy my last day on Earth at all as this will probably persuade me not to do it.

    I don't want to die...but I feel like I have no choice in the matter as it hurts so much to live right now.
  2. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    seriously dont let him do this to you,
    i cant tell you what to do but if you take him back he will do it again and your pain will be prolonged. he is not worth ending your life over no matter how much you love him you are worth more than this. i know when you love someone you dont want anyone else and no one can compare for a long time but that doesnt mean you have to lose your life.
    I had to learn that yes no one at the time could live up to him and replace him i was always comparing but had to learn over time that yes those are true but it doesnt mean i cant care for someone else and love and respect all of their qualities and i never believed it possible but im capable of loving others now.
    you will always have a place for the people you love in your heart but you can still live and move on and learn from the experience.
    Remember who you are and whats great about you and live your life for the things you enjoy, he is not your identity, you are so no matter who you lose in life you are worth living for yourself.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Dont do this hun. Dont let him have so much power over you. You are the worthy one here not him. Show him just what a strong wonderful person you are and what he is losing out on. You do have other choices. There are caring people here that can help you through this. Read some of the other posts in other forums and pm some of those members. Be strong hun and let us help you.
  4. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    I appreciate the responses guys...I think I'm in shock. Some days are worse than others I mean right now all I want is for him to love me again :'( I haven't got a friggin clue how to love myself, people keep telling me to do that but I just don't know how.

    I've had a nap to clear my head I'm now just so afraid I'm going to lose control again. I attempted when he left me, and imagining him with someone else has made me want to switch everything back off again. After I woke up from a first attempt I almost forgot who I was and how broken hearted I was.

    He did some pretty horrible things to me but the fact that I'd still give anything to have him back shows how much I love him, I know how pathetic this sounds but I would die for him, I would give up everyone for him.

    I'm not sure I can live with this heartbreak, I want him to love me again!! His ex killed herself (or so he thought- long story) and until he found out it was a cruel joke he reminisced about her all the time, I want him to look at me in that light. This sounds insane but I keep thinking maybe if I die he will look back on the time we had and love me...

    How the hell am I supposed to live with this feeling it's absolutely ripping me apart :'(
    Last edited by a moderator: May 27, 2008
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I did it to my BF 2 years ago. I slept with someone that I worked with and he found out. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it so much. We were having our problems and this guy showed an interest and made me feel good about myself as we were not getting on at the time and we were not sleeping together so I went off with someone else. It was the biggest mistake I hve ever made. It was after this that we broke up for a while and I moved out. Not cos he wanted to I actually instigated the break up as he didnt really sho much emotion over what I had done which made me think he didnt really care. I now know that is just the way he is. When I took a massive overdose he didnt seem phased by it. It is just the way he deals with things. You would have thought I would have known this as when I slept with someone else we had been together nearly 5 years.

    Although I moved out we still saw each other 3-4 times a week and I stayed over at his and was as though we hadn;t actually broken up. Then about 6 months after I moved out I found out that he had gone to bed with someone else, he said he didnt actually sleep with her and I do believe him as his mate and his mates gf have also told me ( I just wind him up about it as she was a rigt minger - I met her not realising it was her and was thinking to myself that that girl was really ugly and why would she go to a party with greasy hair and wearing a fleece - she was really nice though and I got on with her really well, this was about a yr after finding out about it though) at the time it tore me apart. I had no right to be angry really as I had done it to him. I was so heart broken when I found out. After I found out it was still about a yr before he said we were back together, even though we were going on holiday together and staying over at each others and I took advaantage of it as he we wernet together so I ended up having about 4 one night stands in the course of a yr.

    Anyway as things are now we are getting on great and things are going so well between us and we are talking about getting married next yr. SO things may sort themselves out. I am still hurt about it even though I have no right to be. I think it is something that is always going to be at the back of my mind when he goes out with his mate. We got back together obvisouly.

    I am not saying it ok for someone to cheat - I know it is not. My and my bf were having makor problems and I had mentioned to him that if he didnt buck his ideas up it would happen and it did. I treATED my bloke like shit and I am so lucky that he has forgiven me and I will never do anything to jeaprodise our relationship again. I spose as I am so scarde of losing him I dont actually talk to him about how I feel about my depression and how I have tried to kill my self numerous times. I love him so much and he is the one thing at the moment stopping me from killing myself. Sometimes when I feel really down I have tried to. I think if it wasnt for him I wouldnt be in this world.
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Don't let him have any satisfaction in knowing how much he had hurt you. The best thing you can do to hurt him is try and move on. It is going to be incredibly hard but he has treated you like shit and you cant give him any satisfaction. Pretend you are happy even if you are not and this will really get to him and drive him mad! He is not worth it!
  7. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    Hi, I just wanted to post this technique. yes its from a Paul mckenna book:laugh: I know it wont change things drastically but if it helps you to cope a little it will be worth trying it everyday.


    1/ recall five times you felt very in love with you ex and make a list of them, so you can easily call them to mind in a moment.

    2/ start to recall the first memory again, then step out of it and move the image of that event away from you so that you can see yourself in the picture. move the image away until it is small and the emotional intensity is reduced.

    3/ drain out the colour so that it is black and white then make it transparent . when you look at the event like this it will seem like it is happening to someone else and the emotional intensity will be further reduced. by changing these variables you are recoding the memory.

    4/ when you've finished recoding the first memory, do the same with the next memory.

    5/ work through them all until you have done all five.

    6/ next, spend some time remembering in detail five negative experiences with your ex-partner, where you felt very definitely unattracted to them. think of the times when they did something that really hurt you, turned you off or offended you. find five and make a list of them so you can easily call them to mind.

    7/ now take the least appealing memory and fully return to that moment. go back and run through it all over again. step into the memory so that you are seeing the things you saw, hearing the things you heard and fully feeling the things you felt all over again.

    8/ now turn up the colour and the clarity. make the memory as bright and clear as you can and the feelings getting stronger and stronger.

    9/ go through each of the other four memories of when you were not attracted to your ex-partner, and step into them, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling how you felt. carry on until you feel you have had quite enough of them and even the idea of thinking about them is totally unattractive.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You will get through this in time. I went back to my wife six times to try and make it work. I wanted my daughter to have both her parents. IT would last about a week and she would go out with friends and not come home that night.
    She kept cheating on me over and over. It was tough getting past that. eventually I woke up and smelled the roses. The hard part was she moved back up north and took my daughter with her. So I missed out on her growing up. I wasn't there when she would fall and need someone to help pick her back up.
    It really screwd up my daughter. Her uncle up there molested her when she was young. She has been in and out of institutions, foster homes and jail. All because of her mother. Iguess the moral of this is, I will always love her mother because of my daughter.
    So you see you need to move on. Your significat other is out there. The only advice I can give you is don't look for him in a bar. To many loosers there.Good Luck,:chopper:
  9. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    this is just a knee jerk reaction to a broken heart, i understand the pain and anger that you feel but to take your own life over this isn't the way, i know as i have been there.
    some will say don't let him win, beat you and some such things but what it comes down to is just realising that none of this is your fault and you have a right to live on and find a life that will make you happy again, wether its with someone else or on your own for a while.

    i know it sounds hard but in time it will get better and the feelings you feel now will slowly fade. just take it slowly and you will get there hun.

    you said it yourself, you don't want to die. so don't hun !!

    turn your anger towards proving to yourself that you can beat this feeling of pain and finding a life to live.

    take care and stay safe
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