It needs to happen..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Whymethough, Mar 19, 2016.

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  1. Whymethough

    Whymethough Member

    I'm going to die.

    Not I want to die. I mean, I do.
    But it's going to happen. It's meant to happen. I'm just not suppose to be here on this planet.

    I ruin everybody's life. I make everyone miserable. Either directly or indirectly.

    I don't know what happiness is. I won't ever know.

    I'm not afraid to die. It's the only comforting thing in my life right now.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    NO it is NOT going to happen. You don't make everyone's life miserable. *hugs*
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am sorry you are feeling so low but know you are not alone in yo thoughts, how do you make everyone miserable? why do you say that?
    Want to tell us more about what you are going through and we will try and help?
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am really sorry you feel this way, hun. But no, it does NOT need to happen.

    Please talk to us, what is going on? I am very sure you are not making anyone miserable as you say. What has you thinking that?

    And hun, are you getting any help? You sound like you need some therapy or counseling to get those horrible thoughts under control. Don't give up on yourself. You deserve to get better
  5. Whymethough

    Whymethough Member

    Well for starters I'm a lesbian. My mom told me that I dont have a family and that I'm nothing like her because I like girls. Which like whatever. Fuck you. Excuse my language. But when I was a baby she threw me down the steps, broke my collar bone and spine bc I ruined her life by being born I guess. I have only one friend who I'm super grateful for. I would be dead by now if it wasn't for her. But she has her own problems. I spend most days miserable which I know makes her miserable. My girlfriend has to deal with my shit every day. And my dad is afraid for me to be alone. But I'm in school so I can't live with him. But he kind of put the responsibility on her to make sure I'm good. And she says it doesn't bother her but I know it does. Like how wouldn't it? Who wants to constantly check up on a grown adult to make sure that she doesn't comit suicide. And what they're not getting is I'm not suicidal on an impulse. I've been planning on doing it for years. I want to get help but at the same time I don't feel like there's a point bc I'm never going to feel better and I'm not meant to be here. But no I'm not getting therapy or anything. I'm sorry you guys are wasting your time reading this. I know I'm annoying AF.
  6. MyCatWillMissMe

    MyCatWillMissMe Well-Known Member

    You aren't annoying. It sounds like you do have some things going for you though. Your dad cares about you, you are in school to better yourself, and have a relationship, that's a lot more than some people have. I don't have any of those things.

    I'm sorry your mom has been terrible to you. I've been planning it for years just as you say you have. Almost 3 years now. Therapy only helps if you really want to be helped. What does help is being able to vent in a place like this and have a few important people in your life that you know really do care and won't just tell you to "get over your shit" because they don't understand.

    Just remember why you're in school and keep having goals; daily goals and long term goals.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Well , the real point is you are going to die want to or not because all humans have a relatively short life span in the 80 year average and there is no need to plan or do anything to hurry it along, so any firmly held beliefs that you are destined to die are biologically correct. As soon as you accept that is the end anyway , then is no real reason to hurry it along at all, and if you are having an urge to hurry it along then we are back to "wanting to " and having reasons for wanting to. The reason to want to die today should have nothing to do with what happened when you were an infant and do not even remember yourself , and really have nothing to do with your mother at all- you are away at school and how much she effects your life is up to you.

    You have a girl friend that cares for you and for that woman deserves far more of your attention than ANY woman that does not , regardless of DNA inside that person. You have a father that clearly caress for you. Put your focus and choose ways to live your life based on the people that do care about you and on the things the future can bring if you let it and plan for it. The dying thing will take care of itself eventually anyway, no point in spending a lot of time worrying and concerning yourself with that - and until it does happen spend time worrying about living in a way that makes you happy. When you are out of school even more choices will be your own so you will be able to mold your future as soon as you stop dwelling on the past.
  8. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    You do have some positive things in your life. You just need to see them. You have a partner who is trying for you and wants you. Believe me, if she went which she could, you'd realise. You also have a father that sounds like he cares.
    To change things for the positive takes change and action. No magic wand can fix it and no magic pill.

    The problem is that depression makes us not want to change. It makes us comfortable in being depressed. It makes us feel safe. Well that's just a trick that our mind does because it's defending us... Sadly that can cause suicide.

    To start feeling better you need to try. You don't want to, but the people who care would love it.
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