First off.. I want to apologize for posting this thread. I'm sorry for my pathetic whining, and I am not worth any kindness. I don't think there is any way out of the pain anymore. Every single day, it just keeps going on. All I can think about almost all of the time is killing myself. I just want the pain to stop. I don't know if there is any hope left. I already go to a psych, and she sent me to the hospital last time, but I'm not going back. I can't stand that freaking hospital. I have no idea what to do.. I can't get rid of the thoughts and I fear that it is only a matter of time before I actually attempt. I was close Wednesday, but the knife was a bit too dull, and I was kinda scared to press down harder. Like it would really matter... I'm worthless. I deserve every bit of pain that I am in right now. I deserve being so lonely all the time. I deserve it all. I will be remebered as that really smart, fat, ugly, sack of shit that used to sit by himself in the back of the class. The one who never truly opened up to anyone except online simply because he couldn't make himself do it. People keep telling me that I DO matter because I am a really kind and caring person, but all I see is a sorry, whining, hideous creep who isn't worth anything. Sorry again, but maybe you won't have to hear from me again.