It Never Ever Goes Away

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Apr 7, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well, only 5 days to go. The countdown is on.

    That is what my mind it telling me.

    Suicidal Ideations can sometimes be put on the backburner, but like an alcoholic who can't take that first drink, those of us who suffer from Suicidal Ideations, can't have that first triggering event.

    I am just so tired. Physically, emotionally. I have struggled for so long now, and I am tired of scraping together enough money to survive the week.

    I want to get thru this holiday and then on Monday, I am considering it.

    Don't have a plan. But I have time to think of one.

    I can just feel myself running out of steam.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It can be really hard when you get those ideations all the time, but they can ease, with the right therapy, support, sometimes meds, they can ease.

    I can't remember, but are you having any sort of professional help for your mental well being? Away from the AA stuff?
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I had been taking meds but stopped them several months ago as I started feeling better. Plus, I can't afford the copay for any more, and I can't afford the copay to go to the Doc. As a matter of fact I am putting his bill on the bankruptcy the ex and I are doing.
  4. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Do you want to kill yourself or not?
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I've never heard it put so well! My God!

    I wish Suicides Anonymous was a thing. Is there? Either way, I guess we have this place.

    Were you feeling ok before this triggering event? If so, realize what's happening. That it's the event, and you really don't want to kill yourself.
  6. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Why, do you want to sell tickets to the big show?

    Seriously though, that is the question. Do I or don't I.

    I don't want to live, in the crap that is my life. But I don't know if I want to die either. I do have those days tho, when I would really like to die.

    I think that is what suicidal ideation is all about.
  7. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    you need to find a way for your meds pete.. or it wont ever get better mate :(
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks for that.

    Hello, I am forpetessake and I am a Suicidal Addict. lol

    I am in a word of hurt.
  9. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Eh. Stopping your medicene isn't always the best, there's bad side effects and alot of the time you're only better because of the medicene. :\

    If it made you better perhaps you could find a way to get back on it..
  10. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I second what Spencer said. Beautiful summary.

    Bill, suicide may always be present in our lives (and for those of us who are really lucky there's also substance abuse), but we don't have to submit to it. I can understand why you don't want to be on medication. But maybe it is best to find a cheap alternative?

    I went to a doctor today and she game me "samples" of Lexapro. It turns out to be a horrible drug that makes me hallucinate, but it was free, so that's something :dry:.

    I told her I didn't have any money for drugs and she gave me like 2.5 months of free stuff.
  11. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    You need to get rid of that suicide counter, its very immature and unproductive.
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