it never rains...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by the most boring person ev, Oct 14, 2013.

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  1. Hey. New guy here. Nothing special about me or my life. 31, married father of 2 beautiful kids. Been depressed since about 18ish, seriously suicidal maybe 3 years on and off. Well I guess my marriage is pretty much over. Constant fights she just keeps up and leaving for hours at a time and not saying where she goes. I dont even care anymore. Frankly im ready. But then the kids. Oh my god I cant tell you how much I cant abandon them. My daughter is such a daddys girl, my boy isnt that close with me but I cant mess him up by exiting (not that hed every remember me, hes only 1). Sigh. Modern life pressures dont help, im in a good job ( cant stand it but good company and good money) but never seeming to be able to break even. If I die my family will get just over 250k from my life insurance in my super fund (another 40k there as well) so it might be for the best (now im 31 with about $1200 to my name and no assets). Screw it all.
    Sorry guys venting but tonight I feel closer to death than recently. I actually cant see the week out. Ive accepted my fate but still want my kids to be happy....
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know this probably isn't what you want to hear right now, but your taking your own life would be the worst possible thing for your kids to deal with. It's something they don't really recover from, especially when they're old enough to know you and have formed a connection with you. The pain doesn't stop for them, it doesn't go away, even into adulthood. Please try to hold on, try to seek help for what you're going through so you can be around to watch your kids grow up.
     
  3. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Yeah, Wild Cherry is right, the best thing you can give your child is love, a father's precense, not just money. It's true we need money to survive, but father's love means alot more than that. I can't imagine how I will feel if I lose my dad. Please hang in there for your children, I'm sure they love their daddy and wants him to be with them. Don't give up for your children.

    I know some people who grow up without their dad, they are not as happy as people who have both dad and mum. You don't want your children to feel that way right? Please hang on, and be there for them.... They need you....
     
  4. Thanks guys. I know theres no real option here its bloody hard feeling like this but knowing you simply cannot take that path. The help thing, thats funny. I mean ive been there done that and was sitting there today thinking "I should call lifeline". But what to say? I dont even know what id talk about. I dont think talking works for everyone, im an introvert and much happier just pondering and contemplating than talking. Frankly it makes me uncomfortable.
    oh well lets see how the rest of the week goes. No doubt either me or wife will move out but hey I guess its been coming. Sucks not really caring, now that I think about it.
     
  5. Maedchen

    Maedchen Well-Known Member

    Dear "most boring person",

    I also am in a similar situation like you.
    I already tried to reach a lifeline-chat, but it was not available. I am not seeing how to endure this week, so you are not alone. That doesn't help, but maybe shows that you are not the most boring person ever.
    I will pray for you as long as I live (may not be so long, but better than nothing).
    Love, Maedchen
     
  6. Hey maedchen, thanks for the kind words. Well heres to both of our weeks picking up! At least how we feel and deal with them anyway
     
  7. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Hi again, I think you shouldn't worry about what do you want to say to them, maybe just tell them you need help and feeling suicidal. That will give them the hint, unfortunately we don't have that kind of lifeline here, no "call" number to help. That's why I don't really understand how it works. I'm an introvert too, like you, probably an extreme one, but I learned how to interact with people, the hard way.

    I'm sorry about you and your wife, I really wish it can get better, but that maybe just a dream. You need to focus on yourself, you have to be okay no matter how hard it is, for your children.

    There is a song called Titanium, and that's the reason why I can stay strong. The lyrics is :
    I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
    Fire away, fire away
    Ricochet, you take your aim
    Fire away, fire away
    You shoot me down but I won't fall
    I am titanium
    You shoot me down but I won't fall
    I am titanium

    That's why, no matter how hard we fall, we have to get up, fight and fight, no matter how painful it is, we are bulletproof, nothing can hurt us, you need to be bulletproof for your kids, and when you're able to do that, you need to love yourself more.

    *hug
     
  8. Cheers :) well works almost done for the day might give the line a call later.cant hurt I guess
     
  9. JudgeDredd

    JudgeDredd New Member

    Don't be sad buddy. There is always something which can keep you going. Look at your children, sit with them and just look at them. They will do something like reach for your hand or ask you to play with their toys with them. This is what you need to hang on to, this means more then only having $1,200 dollars to your name.

    If you asked your wife and children what they wanted more, the money or you - I am sure they would say you.
     
  10. Thanks dredd :)
    Wellmy wife just then told me her plans of divorce and having a "hall pass" when she travels back home in december. While relationship woes arent the source of my tendencies, cant say this has helped. Feel kind of like an idiot now
     
  11. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hey there.

    Speaking from the experience of being 12 years old and having my dad walk out on my mum - I can say that had a dramatically negative affect on me. I started having violent phases (which would probably have been adolescence, puberty, and all the teenage drama), that I still can't say that I've fully matured from. Not having my father's presence in my life for most of the key years of "growing up" (he was there, but more intermittently than recent years have shown), lent me to a lack of stability.

    That aside - you have to live your life for yourself and your kids - if the wife wants a divorce - it cannot have been the best of relationships. And they are often down to both of you (there's right/wrong on both sides in most relationship faux pas - differing perspectives offer a wide range of potential combinations) - I do not understand the "hall pass" scenario (as I've never heard of them before).

    Your kids are without a doubt the most important people in your life - after putting them first - put yourself 2nd. If you need help and support - look for docs/therapists/medication or all manner of support groups (even this site has helped people either delay urges or even turn their life around) - there are people out there who will look out for you :)

    I just hope I wasn't too "over the top" or "critical".
     
  12. Well sorry for revining my old thread but hey here I am.
    good news is im not currently suicidal! But im here in a park drinking after work. Im a responsible adilt and have never done this before but im not going home. Ttied to patch things in the marriage. And we were making some headway. But then today a torrent of shit via text and I think thats it. So im sitting here by myself like a frikken. hobo drinking cheap beer. Thats all I have to say folks right now i have no feelings either way about life and will gladly pass out.
    except I still havr work tomorrow....argh
     
  13. Maedchen

    Maedchen Well-Known Member

    You won't do this Boring?
    Yes it's me, and you remember what we talked about, ja?
    Please, keep your promise.
    I am with you in this very second, and I pray for you.
    Please, don't let me down.
    I feel with you. But you have to trust. You know in Whom.
    Love, much love to you, Maedchen
     
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